


Wires

by KaraBear



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance is appreciated, Lance is hurt a lot, Langst, M/M, Other, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn, Torture, everything goes to shit, keith helps, kind of?, klance, so does the rest of the team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:24:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 34,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaraBear/pseuds/KaraBear
Summary: Lance is captured during battle. The druids torture him for information he refuses to give. He's left to Lotor who takes him on as a personal pet. By the time team Voltron gets him back Lance is far from being the same person he once was. The team works to make him feel cared about and Keith realizes he was in love with Lance all along.





	1. Be a Little Cautious

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after season 2 ignoring that Shiro disappeared. I'm basing the fic name and chapter titles around lyrics from Wires by The Neighborhood because I love that song. 
> 
> Please look through the tags to avoid any potentially triggering content. Enjoy!

Lance was used to being the one to lighten things up. He had seven siblings and being smack dab in the middle as the fifth child he had learned to forcefully carve himself a role in the family as the loud, lighthearted jokester. He smiled even when he was hurting. He was always fine. There wasn’t room for Lance to be anything other than fine. His family loved him, they truly deeply loved him, but there was only so much attention you could get in a house that held his parents, maternal grandparents, and seven siblings (though by the time he left for the garrison there was only three siblings still living at home). There wasn’t enough time or space for Lance to be sad. 

Lance tried really hard not to feel sorry for himself, not to let his insecurities drown him. In fact he did his best to portray the exact opposite, perhaps a little bit more aggressively than he meant to. His family was full of successful people and he’d always felt rather insignificant. Even now, as one of five paladins piloting the defender of the universe he still felt pretty unimportant. 

Everyone on the team had their strengths and parts to play. Everyone that is, except for Lance. He was a seventh wheel. His only part was the comic relief and really what importance was that when it came to defeating an empire that had reigned for 10,000 years? Sure he was a decent sharpshooter but he often got the feeling he was more of an annoyance than anything. Not that that stopped him from being the exact same as he’d always been. Better to be an annoyance than a burden. 

In front of his teammates Lance was all jokes and laughter. Alone in bed each night he curled up, crying quietly, and stared blankly ahead missing his family. He missed his eldest sister, Aymee. She was so cold and calculating in public that there was something wonderfully satisfying in watching her soften and take pleasure in teasing Lance. He missed Dayma. She was always the one he went to when he couldn’t keep smiling and needed to cry for a bit. She was kind and gentle and the best kind of listener. He missed Toni with his crude humor that earned him smacks from their mama and the endless exciting stories he always had. Lance missed Charlie, who was closest to him in age, and the way they’d playfully wrestle around in the dirt until mama was scolding them and demanding them to clean up. He missed Marciela with her rough exterior and tough love, always elbow deep in some sort of mechanical project. He missed the youngest two, Rafael and Daniela. He missed giving them piggy-back rides and letting them tackle his leg until he went down. He missed them excitedly showing him their drawings and proudly introducing him to their friends as their ‘cool big brother’. 

Lance was pretty sure they all thought he was dead. It made his chest hurt. He tried not to think about them too much. He tried hardest not to think of his mama and how she’d crumble under the news into his father’s arms. He tried not to think of his siblings’ pain. Those were thoughts best ignored. 

A knock on his bedroom door pulled him out of his depressing line of thinking. He hastily rubbed at his eyes and combed a hand through his hair. When he opened the door Hunk was smiling tiredly.

“Hey man, Allura wants to talk to us,” Hunk said.

“Alright let’s go, can’t keep a pretty lady waiting,” Lance smirked and Hunk gave a small chuckle in return.

Lance kept up a stream of chatter as they walked. Hunk hummed and nodded along but was clearly distracted. Everyone was exhausted. Zarkon may be down but his empire was still going strong and the repairs to be made in the aftermath of their last battle had ended up being very time consuming. It had only been a couple of days but those days were taking a toll on them all.

Everybody else was already waiting when they arrived. Allura gave a greeting nod in their direction and immediately launched into her urgent news. Her lips were pinched into a scowl and her brow furrowed with worry.

“I have received some distressing information from our allies. Zarkon has not yet awakened and in his absence his son Lotor has taken control of the empire. Zarkon was obsessed with the black lion and that created a weakness that could be exploited. Lotor has no such weakness. He’s a cruel and twisted creature. Of course things may have changed in the last 10,000 years but somehow I doubt it. What last I remember of him was his underground network of selling Alteans into sexual slavery as our species died out and we became rare and sought after.” She shuddered and the fury in her eyes had all of them tense. “He is a sick man and I can only imagine that with the power he now has things can only have gotten worse. The Blade worry that he is close to finding us.”

“Do you think he’ll make a move against us soon then?” Shiro asked wearily.

Allura nodded sharply. “Undoubtedly. He will likely strike while he knows we are still recovering from battle. We will continue our repairs as usual but keep alert, we may need to form Voltron and any given moment. The Blade’s warning has me very worried. The Galra could be upon us without the slightest warning.”

“And as urgent as repairs and training are we still need to be getting sleep and food or we’ll be useless on the battlefield,” Shiro added with a pointed look at Pidge and Keith.

Pidge rolled their eyes as if their face wasn’t lined with the exhaustion of several sleepless nights spent working on repairs. Keith scowled and looked away. Lance noticed jarringly how pretty his frowning mouth was. He shook his head immediately to chase the thought away and tried to focus on Allura and Shiro’s words. Lance knew Keith was quite aware that he went a little overboard on his training sometimes. Just yesterday he’d spent so much time in the training room that he’d passed out and Lance had watched Shiro carry Keith to his room demanding that he get some rest.

Lance had noticed that there was a kind of tenderness in Shiro when he was around Keith that wasn’t there with any of the rest of them. He softened in a similar way with Pidge like they were a younger sibling but he seemed to be a bit aloof with Hunk and outright annoyed with Lance. Lance tried not to let that get to him. He knew that he had a special kind of personality that not everyone meshed well with. While he tended to put on a silly, loud, and flirtatious personality Shiro was the opposite with his rough seriousness and firm, no-nonsense attitude. Was it really surprising the Shiro found him annoying?

The meeting broke up soon after. Hunk and Pidge wandered off to work on more repairs. Shiro bent over some star maps with Allura. Keith shot Lance a look he couldn’t quite decipher.

“Want to train with me for a bit?” he asked.

Lance shrugged. He didn’t have anything better or more productive to do. “Sure.”

The two walked down to the training room together in silence. Lance wasn't quite sure how to act around Keith now with his new found attraction to him. Any attempts at their previous rivalry felt halfhearted and weak. Luckily Keith was a guy of few words and didn't seem to mind the silence as they reached the training room and got into position to begin sparring. They were two hours into training, sweat dripping down Lance’s back and arms aching with exertion, when the alarms went off. After the serious talk they just had Lance doubted Allura would pull a drill so soon. That meant either an attack was happening or a distress beacon had been spotted. 

None of them were happy to be back in full uniform at attention on the brig so soon after the last meeting. Pidge slouched with a grouchy grimace. Hunk’s face was twisted with worry. Keith and Shiro were both on high alert. Lance found himself mindlessly staring at Keith’s profile. As much as he made fun of his mullet his hair looked incredibly soft and well taken care of.

Allura’s next words snapped his attention back to the situation at hand and away from his incredibly gay observation of Keith. “The Galra have tracked us down. It appears to be a royal ship. I highly suspect that Lotor has found us already. Unfortunately we don’t have time to look into how we were tracked down so quickly at the moment. That will have to come later. Get to your lions Paladins. We’ve got a long fight ahead of us.”

They followed her orders quickly. Lance grimaced at the sweat he had been unable to wash off as he pulled his helmet on and headed to Blue’s hangar. She greeted him with worry as he slid into her seat and settled in for a long fight. They flew out in formation, unsure what to expect from Lotor.

The fighting was intense. There was a large ship in the midst of the fleet and several medium sized ones all surrounded by smaller fighter ships that attacked relentlessly. The ships seemed to know just how to coral them away from each other to keep them from forming Voltron. Lance had the oddest feeling that they were trying to isolate him most of all. There was no valid reason for that suspicion but he noticed that despite his best efforts his lion was being pushed out further and further from the others. 

Lance was shooting ice beams and heavy fire frantically, panic starting to worm its way into his body as he became more and more noticeably separated from the other paladins. With a sinking feeling of dread he realized that the giant ship in the fleet had an almost comically huge canon pointed right at him. He was surrounded so tightly by smaller ships that there was no room to dodge. The canon fired and everything went black.


	2. Admits to Every Little Flaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote chapter 2 more quickly than expected so here it is. Trigger warning for torture and non-consensual body modification.
> 
> Enjoy!

Lance awoke slowly. His head felt fuzzy and his eyelids were heavy. The first thing he became aware of was the biting cold shackles around his wrists and ankles as well as a large band across his chest and waist keeping him pinned to a table in a horizontal position. 

He blinked slowly trying to bring the room into focus. After a moment of attempting to grasp onto alertness the room begin to lose its blurry edges. The lighting was dim and the room fairly sparse. He was strapped to a metal table in the center of it. There was a smaller table next to him full of devices that made his blood run cold.

This was a torture chamber.

The door opened abruptly and his eyes darted over to see who was entering. A druid stepped into the room. Lance shuddered at the expressionless masked face. He wasn’t ready to be tortured by the Galra empire. He was still just a kid. He didn’t want this.

“I’ll make this simple,” the druid said as the door shut behind it. “I’m going to ask you some questions. If you answer correctly nothing will happen to you. If you don’t I have full permission to use anything on this table to do whatever I like to you. If you still continue to be uncooperative Haggar has been looking for another experiment for her body technology. I think she was working on robotic eyes at the moment.”

Lance knew the threat was very real. His hands shook and he squeezed his eyes shut in terror. He couldn’t give up Voltrons secrets. As terrifying as this was he knew that his own pain and his single life were insignificant in comparison to the safety of the universe and Voltron’s fight to free it from the Galra’s reign. He swallowed hard as he clenched his trembling hands into determined fists. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

“I’ll start easy with the first question,” the druid told him. “How does the Altean castle work?”

Lance laughed shakily. “Hell if I know. Do I look like a tech savy guy to you? I know that it flies and there's a pool and it somehow mysteriously makes food goo that keeps us fed. Never really needed to know more. You picked the wrong guy for this.”

“Wrong answer.” The Druid picked up a strange metal contraption from the table. “Do you know what this is?”

“I’m guessing it’s not an unnecessarily complicated can opener?” Lance tried to joke feebily.

Though he couldn’t see the Druid’s face he could hear the smirk in its voice. “You’re going to become well acquainted with this device Paladin.”

The Druid slid the middle finger of Lance’s left hand into the odd device and began to turn the handle at the top. Lance panicked as he felt the pressure on his finger start. He had a sick feeling that he knew what this device did and it was most definitely not a can opener. 

“No, wait, please. You don’t have to do this man. We can work something out,” he blabbered.

The Druid ignored him. The pressure grew. As the bone cracked Lance began to scream. The device crushed his finger at an agonizingly slow pace. He sobbed and scrabbled to remove his hand but the shackles around his wrists held him tight and he could do nothing but endure the pain. The Druid moved onto the index finger of the same hand wordlessly. 

“No! Wait! You didn’t even ask me anything,” Lance choked through his tears.

“I’m still punishing you for the last question,” was the sadistic reply.

The handle turned in the Druid’s hand and Lance’s screams started back up.

\----------------------------------------------------

Lance’s hands were ruined. The druid had crushed all of his fingers. They’d been a swollen bloody mess of shattered bones and torn skin when he’d finally passed out. He awoke to find Galra tech in their place. Apparently even with Druid magic his hands hadn’t been salvageable. He wondered how long the hands had taken, how long he’d been out while they’d been constructed and connected to him. After all of the trauma he’d been through it was bizarre to no longer feel any pain.

The hands were weirdly realistic. He could feel with them just as if they were his normal hands. There was strength and hardness to them that he wasn’t used to though. Gone was the soft and easily torn skin. Incredibly strong metal had taken its place. He flexed his hands and twisted his head where it lay against the table, gazing at them, unsure what to feel. His emotions were a confusing mess. He wondered if this was how Shiro felt the first time he’d awoken with his Galra arm. At least it wasn’t his eyes like the Druid had threatened.

Time began to pass slowly as he lay on the table waiting for his next form of torture. Hours slipped by at a snail’s pace. Boredom was not something Lance usually associated with the thought of capture and torture but it was definitely something he was experiencing now strapped to this goddamn table. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the door finally opened and Haggar stepped into the room.

Lance felt himself begin to panic at the sight of her. Nothing good could come of Zarkon’s head witch paying him a visit. Her smile made him feel sick with dread.

“How do you like your new hands Paladin?” she asked.

“Really great. Fantastic job. I like what you did with the purple along the fingers. Very fashionable,” Lance choked out a laugh that sounded borderline hysterical.

Haggar ignored him. “I have a few questions of my own. We pried you from your lion but it managed to fight us off and escape. I know you are bonded. Tell me where the blue lion is.”

The relief at those words sent a wash of warmth through him. “If you were too stupid to keep a hold of a lion when you had it practically handed over to you then that’s your own problem lady.”

“Wrong answer paladin. I think your right eye is next. You’re a sharpshooter aren’t you? The increase to your sight will be invaluable to you. The actual process will be extremely painful however. I’ll take great pleasure in your agony.”

Lance swallowed hard. “Why would you want to increase my strengths? I’m your enemy. Isn’t that counterproductive?”

Haggar laughed a rasping sound like sandpaper on wood. “What makes you think you’re ever going back to Voltron paladin? My you are optimistic aren’t you?”

“My team will find me. My team will…”

“Never find you,” she interrupted. “We have half of the universe under our thumbs. Do you really think a single insignificant team of bumbling breakable humans and two Alteans 10,000 years behind on the times will be able to track us down?”

Lance didn’t reply. He still clung to hope. Pidge was a genius hacker. He’d seen their genius at work several times. There had to be some way that Haggar was keeping track of what was happening to him. Pidge would find it no matter how well it was hidden. He trusted them. 

“Now are you really ready for a fully conscious eye surgery? Tell me where the blue lion is. I follow through with my threats paladin and you will suffer greatly if you don’t give me what I want.”

Lance was afraid but knowing blue was safe was all that mattered at the moment. “Kiss my ass hag.”

“Let’s get started on some lovely scars,” Haggar hissed. “I have a druid who’s just dying to carve you up. We’ll get to the eye soon.”

She turned to leave the room and a Druid glided in to take her place. It picked up a large curved knife from the table. If it had a face Lance was sure its expression would be terrifying. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Lance was getting used to waking up to find his body changed somehow. Over the last week he’d passed out several times as the Druid had carved vicious words about his worthlessness into his body, asking questions between each cut that Lance was barely coherent enough to even understand, and then healed them before he could start to bleed out too much. Wounds that had been fresh the day before were already scars. 

They’d unstrapped him for the first time for the cutting. The Druid had sliced bloody lines into his back and then whipped him over it. He’d screamed himself hoarse. On his chest they’d cut scathing terms like ‘useless’, ‘worthless’, ‘failure’, and so on. The words were clearly visible there, taunting him with his deepest insecurities. The biggest, most noticeable word across his chest was the one he heard the most, ‘annoying’. 

He could perfectly picture his teammates faces every time he heard that word. He could see Allura’s scowl when he pretended to flirt with her. He saw Shiro pinching the bridge of his nose in absolute exasperation when he wasn’t taking a mission seriously enough. He envisioned Keith shoving his shoulder talking about how lazy and pathetic he was. He could hear Pidge’s biting tone as they told him how obnoxious and in the way he way. He could feel Hunk’s disappointment in him whenever he goofed off too much. Nobody realized how a word as simple and nonthreatening as ‘annoying’ could cause Lance so much pain. Fuck, he really was worthless wasn’t he? 

He wondered how many days had passed now. Haggar had threatened he was due for eye surgery ‘soon’ but it felt like it had been a week or so at least. He was released for exercise what felt like every few days. It was hard to keep track of time. He wasn’t ever fed. He craved food so much it ached but they gave him all of the sustenance he needed to stay alive through some special IV, depriving him of the physical motions of actually eating and drinking. It was driving him crazy. His mouth was as dry as dirt and his stomach cramped and aching. He would kill for a tall glass of water. Hell he’d kill for a bowl of food goo at this point.

The door opened and Lance tensed. His body had become conditioned to fear that door opening. It was Haggar. The first he’d seen of her in a while. 

“Hello blue paladin. It’s time for that special eye I promised you. Once it’s installed I intend to have you test it out in our prisoner fighting rings. Need to make sure it works properly and all.” She looked positively giddy as she approached him. 

Haggar didn’t bother to put him under as she started the operation. He got to watch as his eyeball was pulled from its socket. His screams were weak by this point. Sometimes they gave out almost silent from the strain he’d put on his vocal cords lately. The pain was worse than the carving sessions and he got to experience it all helplessly. God, he was so fucking helpless. He wanted to die. All he knew was pain and fuck he couldn’t do this anymore. He screamed for death with his rasping voice but nobody was kind enough to grant his request.

For what felt like the dozenth time since being captured Lance passed out from the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of the lovely readers who left comments on the first chapter. I appreciate every one!


	3. Sick of Screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing like crazy lately. Here's chapter 3 already!

“Have you found anything yet?” Keith was pacing frantically back and forth in front of the seat Pidge had perched in for their millionth attempt at trying to find Lance.

“No Keith I haven’t. Just like the last fifty times you asked me,” Pidge snarled. “I want to find him too but I can’t do it if you’re distracting me.”

Shiro placed a comforting hand on Keith’s shoulder. He looked just as exhausted as the rest of them. It had been over a month and they still had no idea where Lance was or why they’d taken him specifically. Keith would never have admitted it before but he cared about Lance. He needed him. He needed is smiles and his laughter. He needed their odd relationship that had gone from an actual rivalry to lighthearted banter. He knew what this need meant. Somewhere along the way he’d caught feelings.

“Shiro…” he started.

The older man’s hand tightened on his shoulder. “I know Keith. We’ll find him.”

Keith nodded quietly. Shiro knew better than any of them what Lance was probably going through. He knew that with that knowledge Shiro was doing his damn best to find the blue paladin. None of them were getting much sleep lately. Hunk had been hit hard too. He seemed to lose his enthusiasm for cooking and engineer work. He paced a lot and did everything he could to assist Pidge in their searching. Pidge was short tempered lately though and it was hard for anyone to help out for long before Pidge lost their patience.

The door to the room opened and Allura entered. “Any luck yet?”

“No!” Pidge snapped.

Allura looked taken-aback and a bit hurt. Shiro quickly intervened, touching the princess's arm with a soft and comforting smile. She relaxed a little and returned the smile.

“Pidge is doing their best. The Galra are good at covering their tracks. All we can do for now is keep looking and be patient,” he said confidently.

Keith could see his human hand shaking. That small motion tipped him off. Shiro was a pro at sounding assured and calm but he was scared for Lance. That doubled Keith’s worry. They had to find him before the entire team fell apart.

\----------------------------------------------

“Hello blue paladin.” 

Lance stared blankly ahead. The robotic eye gave him incredible sight just as he was promised but he hated it. There was nothing worth seeing here.

“How rude of you to ignore your gracious host.” There was an edge to the words this time.

Lance focused on the form that had stepped into his room. It was unfamiliar and different from the Druids he’d come accustom to seeing. The man was purple and appeared to be Galra but there was something softer, slimmer, prettier even, about him than any Galra Lance had seen before. With his pointed ears and silvery hair he looked almost Altean. 

“I’m Prince Lotor. It appears the Druids have done well with breaking you as I asked. Haggar wants to test you out in the arena tomorrow. If you do well I’ll take you in as one of my personal pets. If you fail you’ll die.”

Lance wasn’t sure which option was worse. He didn’t want to die but the idea of being Lotor’s so called ‘pet’ made him wince in disgust. Given the things Allura had told them about him Lance could begin to imagine some of the things Lotor would do to a pet. Rape was number one on that list. He wondered if dying might be the best route. After all the torture he’d been through so far death almost sounded like a relief.

Lotor considered Lance carefully as though trying to read his thoughts. “Then again death might be too much of a mercy. If you fail you’ll be brought here and worked over until you are motivated to win. Perhaps more rigorous training? A couple more robotic limbs? More intense torture?”

Lance was having a hard time imaging what a more intense form of torture could possibly be. He’d already experienced several creative and horrifying forms of torture. Maybe he could throw himself onto his opponent’s weapon? Suicide in the ring would probably be an easy feat. That was sounding like his best option right now. 

Lance was so fucking tired. He felt exhausted down to his soul. A weariness that had nothing to do with his lack of sleep and more to do with his lack of will to live. Each day was another day in hell. He couldn’t take much more of this. He was on the brink of breaking and he was terrified that once that happened he would never be able to go back.

A firm hand gripped his face. Sharp nails dug into his cheeks, drawing blood. His face was close. Violet on yellow eyes fierce and angry.

“Listen to me when I’m speaking to you,” Lotor hissed.

Lance stared at him blankly. He hadn’t even realized that Lotor was still talking. He had a hard time focusing on much of anything lately. He tried to distance himself from what was happening as much as possible. 

“You will be mine. I expect you to listen to me Pet or there will be severe consequences. Am I understood?”

Lance nodded numbly. The hand retreated from his face. He could feel blood trickling down his cheek. It was a feeling he experienced quiet often and was easily recognizable.

“Good,” Lotor said with a sinister smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow Pet. I’ll be watching your fight in the arena. Make me proud or I will make sure you are broken beyond repair.”

The door slammed shut behind the prince. Lance stared at the spot Lotor had just been standing in. He felt himself dissociating again. There was nothing he could do. He was helpless. Worthless. Everything was pointless. 

Lance found it all too easy to get lost inside his own mind again. He retreated there often to keep his sanity. He wasn’t sure how well that was working. Something felt a bit unhinged. He knew that the intense desire for death that he had wasn’t normal. The hallucinations he got when they started up bouts of sleep deprivation weren’t normal either. 

Lance usually felt quite removed from himself. Like he was abnormally conscious of his mind existing in this broken body and felt almost separate from it. It was like he was able to fold himself into the corner of his mind and watch his body scream and writhe in a distant sort of way, like a puppet reacting on auto pilot. 

When they came to get him for the gladiator fights Lance wasn’t sure what to expect. He was still undecided on if he should get himself killed or not. A big part of him wanted to. The other part whispered sadly about his team mates and his family back home. He had things to live for if he could endure long enough to get out of this place. The major problem was that he wasn’t quite sure if he could endure that long. 

The Druids untied Lance at least a couple times a week for exercise and testing of the Galra tech that had become part of his body so at least he wasn’t weak and frail as he was moved from the table and led down dimly lit corridors. For a split second he considered attempting to flee but the Galra they had guarding him were large and carrying guns and deep down Lance knew he wouldn’t get very far. 

Lance was surprised to have his blue bayard handed over to him when they approached the fighting ring. When it transformed it was a bit different from usual. It was still a gun but there were blades running along the sides to help with the close combat he was about to experience. He was grateful for that. Having a long range weapon only in such close quarters seemed like a recipe for disaster. 

Decked out in the sweat soaked, bloody clothes that he'd worn since he got here and bladed gun in hand Lance was pushed out into the fighting ring. The seats around the stadium were packed full of Galra and a few other alien species. Lance immediately spotted Lotor in a raised seat set apart from the rest of the crowd. He caught Lance’s eye and gave him a smile that made him shiver in fear. 

A large beast like creature was thrust into the opposite side of the ring. Lance took up his fighting stance. He’d made his decision. He wasn’t going to die today. He was going to fight. He was going to live. He’d make it back to his team and eventually make it home to his family. He’d hug his mama again and play-wrestle his siblings and live satisfied that no matter what else happened he had done something important with his life.

A bell went off and the beast alien charged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And thank you a million times over to everyone who reviews and leaves kudos. You give me the motivation to keep writing!


	4. It Kills to Know That You Have Been Defeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a couple of days to write this chapter. It was a hard one.  
> TRIGGER WARNING for explicit rape and suicidal thoughts.  
> Take care of yourselves. If you want to skip the non-con stop reading after they enter Lotor's bedroom. You should still understand most of the story fine if you don't read that part.

Keith had started going out in Red to look for Lance. He hadn’t had any luck so far and it was probably a hopeless endeavor but he had to do something. Sitting on his ass waiting for Pidge to find a lead wasn’t comforting. Keith was a man of action and so he went out scanning space for signs of Lance among the planets and stars despite Shiro’s protests that it wasn’t safe to go out on his own. Despite the knowledge that it was extremely unlikely that he’d find anything even slightly helpful.

There was a solemnity about the ship without Lance present. There wasn’t anyone to goof off and throw out jokes and keep them rolling their eyes but smiling nonetheless. Lance was like the heart of their team and without him they were sharp with each other, tense and worried. 

Keith didn’t like to think about what was happening to Lance. That was the path to madness. He already felt so on edge lately. Like the slightest provocation would cause him to explode. He missed the team sharpshooter and without the banter and the way they pushed each other to become better Keith felt lost. 

He kept thinking back to the last day that they saw Lance. He remembered sparring with him. He’d been so eager and playful. His brown hair messy and damp with sweat and blue eyes glittering with challenge. Keith was honestly shocked that he didn’t realize sooner how gorgeous he found his teammate. 

Keith tried not to think in ‘what if’s’. Sometimes it was hard not to though. What if he’d kissed Lance while they’d been sparring that day? What would his reaction have been? Would he have been disgusted? Angry? What if he'd kiss Keith back? What if Keith had paid closer attention to the blue lion during the battle? What if he’d tried harder to protect Lance? He was frustrated at his own helplessness. 

After another fruitless day of searching Keith pulled the red lion back into its hangar with a scowl, his brow furrowed in worry. It was if Lance had truly just vanished from the universe. There was no sign of him on Keith’s side of things and Pidge was still not having any luck.

Shiro was waiting for him when he climbed out of his lion. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks,” Keith shrugged off the hand the black paladin went to put on his shoulder. “I don’t feel like talking right now.”

“Pidge found something.”

Keith froze. Hope blossomed dangerously in his chest. It was fragile as thin glass and he knew that if this ended in disappointment it would hurt. A lot. 

“It’s not much,” Shiro plowed on quickly. “But it’s definitely a start and the most we’ve been able to find since he was taken.”

Keith took off at a run without waiting to hear what else he had to say. He tore through the hallways, blood rushing in his ears. There was a lead. This was everything he’d been waiting on. He didn’t care how thin of a lead it was, he would take it and do everything in his power to follow it straight to Lance.

\---------------------------------------

Lance had been under the impression that he only had to fight in the arena once. He’d been mistaken. They had him fight multiple times a day for what must have been a week straight. He won every fight. 

The Galra eye did indeed improve his shooting. He was already pretty amazing with the gun but with his high tech right eye he seemed to spot movements before they even happened. The slightest twitch of muscles caught his attention and his body moved automatically in reply. He was unstoppable. 

With each win Lotor seemed to grow more and more excited. By the last fight Lance found himself highly unnerved by the Galra prince’s sinister smile. There was something about it that made him extremely uncomfortable. Lotor’s predatory eyes seemed to undress him in the most invasive of ways. He wondered if he should regret his victories when Lotor finally approached him after his twentieth win as he sat in cell he’d been moved to since he started fighting.

“You did well my Pet. I think you’ve more than proven your worth,” the prince purred.

Lance shuddered and looked away. The only upside was that he hadn’t been tortured this past week while he’d been fighting in the arena and he finally got to sleep without being strapped down. It was his first break from the Druids since he’d been captured. The downside was that he definitely had Lotor’s attention now and that was something he desperately wished he could avoid.

“I think I’m ready to take you on as my personal slave now,” Lotor flashed his gleaming teeth like he wanted to sink them right into Lance’s flesh. 

He nodded to the guards he’d brought with him and they gripped Lance by either arm. For a split moment he tried to resist, suddenly seized by absolute terror at the thought of what awaited him but he was easily overpowered. As strong as he’d gotten he still couldn’t beat out a Galra when it came to brute strength let alone two of them. He found himself dragged through twisting corridors and straight into a lavish bedroom that could only be the prince’s room. Lotor followed behind and waved the guards off once they were in his bedroom.

“These are for you.” He handed Lance some clothing. “Change now.”

Lance considered attempting to resist again but he feared the consequences. He waited for Lotor to turn around but he didn’t. He kept his purple eyes trained on Lance’s body.   
“I told you to change.” A dangerous edge entered Lotor’s voice.

Lance swallowed hard and slowly began to strip. He dressed quickly trying his best to preserve his modesty. It was impossible with the kind of clothes he’d been given. They draped across his body in shining gold strands, showing so much skin that he felt as immediately self-conscious. He knew his scars were all on display, ruined flesh exposed to the air. Lotor didn’t seem to mind though. His eyes glittered with lust as he approached Lance who couldn’t keep himself from flinching backwards.

“That’s no way to react to me Pet.” Lotor slapped him hard across the face. His cheek stung. “The next time you flinch away from me you’ll be harshly punished.”

Lance nodded meekly, avoiding Lotors gaze and staring determinedly at the floor. He knew what was going to happen. He knew that this was the moment he’d been dreading since the prince’s first visit to him in his torture chamber. He realized that he was trembling.

Lotor’s hands were startlingly warm as they gripped Lance’s hips and pulled him close. He bit the inside of his cheeks and wished as hard as he could that he was anywhere else. Lips touched his neck and he choked as tears suddenly slipped down his cheeks. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be here. 

“Shhh,” Lotor soothed him. “You’ll enjoy this Pet.”

That was the biggest lie he’d ever heard. He would not enjoy this the slightest bit. In fact he was having second thoughts about not letting himself get a spear through the chest in the fighting arena. Anything would be better than what was happening right now.

“You look delicious. So soft and smooth and delicate.” Lotor purred. “So breakable.”

His hands slid into the flimsy bottoms that Lance wore, sharp nails dragging against his scarred skin and around to his front. He let out a whimper as Lotor wrapped a hand around his cock and closed his eyes willing the situation to just disappear.

“You’re not even aroused yet.” The prince sounded disappointed. He squeezed and thrust his own hardness against Lance’s hip. “That’ll change soon my pet.”

Lance felt sick. Lotor let go of his dick and switched his grip to Lance’s wrists. He pulled him roughly towards the large bed in the middle of the room and shoved him hard so that he sprawled against the black covers. The prince stripped in a few fluid moments. Lance tried not to look but it was hard to ignore the sudden abundance of smooth purple flesh.  
Lotor gripped his legs beneath the knee in his strong hands and spread them apart. Lance felt his face go hot in mortification and he tried to pull them closed but clawed hands dug into his skin hard enough to draw blood. A warning. He stopped struggling. 

He stared up at the ceiling as Lotor uncapped a bottle of what must be the Galra equivalent of lube and drizzled it over his fingers. He nearly bit through his lip as the thong-like material he wore was pushed aside and a finger pressed against his hole. His thoughts jumped to Keith without his permission. Lately Lance had had a pathetic hope that Keith would be his first. He’d imagined it a dozen different ways. He figured Keith would be impatient, a little rough but conscious of Lance’s comfort and making sure he didn’t actually hurt him.

A second finger was added and Lance gripped the bedcovers in his fists. It was fucked up to think of Keith while Lotor was raping him. It was fucked up on so many different levels. He made himself sick. He could never look Keith in the eyes again. What would he say if he knew what about this? He didn’t even want to consider that. Keith already hated him enough as it was without adding this in.

After a third finger Lotor seemed to deem him ready. Lance could hear the sound of him slicking himself up as he continued to stare blankly upwards. He should probably fight more. Should scream and thrash and try to escape. The memory of Lotor’s warning slap at the beginning of this hell had him frozen in terror though. Fighting would only make this more painful.

With a harsh thrust Lotor slid into Lance’s ass. He felt his eyes well up with tears again. It hurt and the Galra prince wasn’t gentle. He bit back a scream at the pain. It felt like something had torn. Lotor spread his legs wider and immediately began to fuck into him at a punishing pace. Lance trembled and began to outright sob, tears streaming down his face. He flinched, expecting punishment but Lotor seemed to take pleasure in his crying. When he’d glanced down briefly there’d been a sadistic grin on his face as he pumped his hips back and forth. 

Lance wished for death. Even torture would be better than this. He longed for the metal table and the whipping and cutting and pain because even that would be better than this absolute violation of his body. He’d rather die than be here. He’d rather be ejected into space and suffocate than continue to lie here while Lotor bruised his thighs in his harsh grip and fucked him like he was his personal whore. 

Lance didn’t know how he’d ever recover from this. He closed his eyes and continued to weep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :) Thank you to those who have left either for previous chapters it makes me so happy to receive them!
> 
> I feel like I need to add that if you're dealing with the aftermath of rape yourselves the rape recovery center has a crisis line open 24/7 at 801-467-7273. There is always hope and ways to deal with the awful things that have happened to you. You're not alone. Take care of yourselves.


	5. Straight to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again trigger warning for rape. Not as graphic this time but still mentioned several times. Sorry guys things get worse before they get better.

Pidge had found mention of a human prisoner in one of the Galra’s logs. There was a chance that it was their dad or brother Matt. It could also be another captured human. Keith held onto hope that it was Lance. It had to be Lance.

Pidge hadn’t narrowed down the exact coordinates of the ship that the prisoner was located on but they were frantically doing their best to hack or decode or whatever technological mumbo jumbo they did to narrow down the location. Keith tried not to be impatient but he definitely was.

He didn’t bother Pidge though. He knew they were doing their best. Hunk had to literally force them to eat and sleep because they were so dedicated to using this lead to find Lance. Keith was starting to wonder how long it would take for one of them to break and go crazy.

Hunk seemed to deal with his stress by motivating everyone else to stay healthy. Pidge wasn’t the only one he mothered with urges to eat and sleep and loosen up. He also seemed to be closer to Coran who had taken to telling his stories to Hunk more now that Lance wasn’t around to converse with. Keith looked for Lance in Red or trained. Shiro and Allura seemed to be finding comfort in each other. They’d all begun to fall into a sort of routine, and not necessarily a very happy one.

Keith currently found himself on the training deck where he spent most of his time until Hunk or Shiro had to sometimes physically drag him away. They didn’t try to keep him from it unless it was becoming detrimental to his health. All of them understood Keith’s drive to keep training. He had to get stronger. He had to be strong enough to save Lance when they found him. Strong enough to protect him once they had him back. 

Keith was sure Lance would need a lot of help emotionally. He tried to prepare himself to help with that in whatever way he could. When it came down to it though he had to acknowledge that emotions weren’t exactly his strong suit. He understood anger and pain but he’d never been the best at knowing how to cope in a way that involved words. Keith tended to fight out all of his anger rather than talk it out. He knew that wasn’t going to be helpful for Lance. They didn’t know what kind of horrors he was going through with Lotor and the Galra.

Allura had shown them pictures of Prince Lotor to help them spot him if needs be. He didn’t look like most Galra so he would be easy to pick out. Keith imagined his purple face and luscious hair on every droid that he demolished. It helped a little with the anger, to imagine that he was training for the day that he finally got to punch Lotor in his stupid fucking face. 

Lance just had to hang in there. Keith knew he was strong but he worried. He saw how Shiro suffered from PTSD. He’d heard the older man screaming in the middle of the night and he worried relentlessly about him but now Lance was going to be suffering from that kind of thing too now. Lance who was always grinning and joking and making everyone else smile. The idea of him blank eyed and sad or screaming in terror at his own memories made Keith’s chest ache fiercely. 

Keith wanted to believe that they hadn’t hurt Lance. He wanted to believe that they’d put him a cell and asked him some questions and that was the extent of it all. He wasn’t that naive though. He knew that if Shiro had suffered what he had as a random prisoner then there was no way they were going easy on a paladin of Voltron. Lance was probably going through all kinds of hell.

Keith smashed a robots face in with a gloved fist, filled with the viscous need to punch something as hard as he could. He was pissed off. Mostly because he was worried and was furious at the ones hurting Lance and causing this pain in his chest that refused to die down or go away. With an angry yell he drove his sword through another robot’s chest. 

They were going to save Lance and there would be hell to pay.

\-----------------------------------------------

Lance got to sleep in a real bed for the first time in a long time. It was big and lavish with a thick black comforter and fluffy pillows. He hated it. He’d rather sleep on the ground or even strapped to the damn table they had him on when he first arrived on this ship. Because this comfortable bed came with a steep price.

Lance slept next to Lotor with armed guards around the bed in case he dared to try anything against the Prince as he slept. It was unnerving trying to sleep with the guards watching but even more distressing to have to sleep next to his rapists every night. Needless to say he didn’t get much sleep.

Lotor liked to parade Lance around like a trophy. He still wore next to nothing. Long golden strands spilled down from a neck piece and looped around his back and a golden thong encrusted with rubies was the only coverage for his bottom half. He felt constantly exposed as if he didn’t deal enough with that under Lotor’s filthy gaze. 

Lotor had created a sort of routine for them. In the morning he usually forced Lance to suck him off before ordering them breakfast in bed. What must have been gourmet Galra food tasted like sand in his mouth. Chewing was mechanical and every swallow dry and painful. It was hard to enjoy any food with the taste of Lotor’s cum still on his tongue. 

After breakfast Lance was allowed to change into his paladin gear. It was the only time he got to wear something he was comfortable in. He was allowed to go through rigorous training as Lotor attended to his politic duties. That usually took up several hours until there was a break for lunch. At lunch he sat on the floor to eat like some sort of pet next to Lotor’s chair at the head of the table. The rest of the seats were filled with Galra officials. Occasionally he saw Haggar there as well.

Following lunch Lotor would once again go about his duties but with Lance in tow this time. He had a metal collar around his neck and the prince would attach a chain and lead Lance around like a dog, showing him off to everyone they passed by with a smug expression on his face. Lance would follow dutifully, head down and eyes trained on the floor. He’d tried to fight once during one of these showing off sessions but the guards had been on him instantly. He’d been whipped bloody as punishment. 

Dinner went much the same as lunch. Afterwards they’d retire to Lotor’s bedroom where he’d fuck Lance into the mattress and then force him to bathe with him. No matter how hard he scrubbed with soap he still felt disgustingly filthy. Nothing could erase that feeling. Once he’d scrubbed enough that he’d started to bleed. Lotor had berated him viciously for that. Lance wasn’t sure why. He didn’t seem to have trouble with having him cut or whipped as punishment for other wrong doings.

It had been another month at least he figured. Today was the first day that things felt a bit off. After lunch rather than parading Lance around as per usual he led him back into the bedroom and ordered him to sit on a chair against one of the walls. Lance sat cautiously, wary of what horrifying tricks Lotor had up his sleeves this time.

The prince disappeared from the room momentarily and when he came back he was carrying a burning hot iron. Lance bolted. The guards that Lotor had brought with him caught him around the middle and forced him into the chair, pinning him down with their brute strength even as he twisted and cried. It was the first real fight he’d put up in a while but god he’d seen the brand, Lotor’s name in solid metal letters, and he would do anything to keep them from being permanently imprinted onto his skin.

“Please Lotor,” he begged. “Please I’ll do anything you want.”

Lotor laughed. “You already do anything I want you to pet. What an empty offer.”

He pressed the hot iron against Lance’s left hip. He screamed at the pain, tears streaming down his face as the smell of burning flesh made him gag. After a moment the iron was pulled back but the skin still burned and Lance continued to shake in agony. The prince motioned to one of the guards who handed over a knife.

“The brand won’t be complete without a label,” he said calmly as he twisted the handle of the blade between his fingers. “The world needs to know that you’re not just my property, you’re my pet.”

With painful slowness he carved P-E-T in all caps across Lance’s stomach. The blood stained his golden bottoms, dying the material red Lotor laughed manically as he pulled back the knife and examined his handy work. The blade was handed back to the guard and he motioned over a Druid who hovered nearby. 

“Heal him. I can’t have my pet getting infected,” Lotor demanded.

The Druid nodded and immediately got to work. Lance’s sobs begin to quiet into sniffles as the pain faded. When the Druid was done the brand and the label stood out as mere scars now. Still, they were clear as day and Lance felt sick to his stomach looking down at them. This would never go away. Whether he escaped or he died Lotor’s vile brand and fucked up ‘pet’ would remain branded into his flesh. He would be reminded of this every time he looked down as if the rest of the awful scars weren’t enough of a reminder themselves. 

God his body was a mess. Lance used to take pride in his skin. He had a whole skin care routine that he’d followed religiously on a daily basis. Now his skin was ruined. His body a mess of scars and burns and Galra tech. He probably barely looked human. He found himself insanely grateful that he hadn’t had the chance to look into a mirror lately. He knew without a doubt that he’d hate what he would see.

“Let’s change you out of those messy clothes.” Lotor stripped him of his blood stained thong without any further warning and without caring about the Galra guards and the Druid still in the room with them. 

Lance supposed he should be more ashamed. However, by this point he felt like he had reached the peak of absolute shame and this moment didn’t really matter in the face of all that he’d already experienced. He’d been paraded like a slave and raped on a daily basis. A bit of brief nudity in front of these strangers was nothing really. At least that’s what he tried to tell himself.

He protested weakly as Lotor slid a new pair of bottoms on like Lance was a helpless infant. These new ones were different. A long flowing skirt like material covered the front and back held together by golden chains on the side. While they covered more they also gave easier access as nothing actually went between his legs. Lance felt nauseous at that realization. 

Lotor hooked the chain to his collar and yanked him to his feet. He stumbled briefly before righting himself, staring blankly ahead. 

“Come now Pet. We need to show off your new brand. Everyone needs to see just how much mine you are.” He chuckled to himself and with another tug Lance moved forward after him trying his best not to break down in tears again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everyone who's left feedback and continues to do so!


	6. The Wire's Pulled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What we've all been waiting for.

“I found it! I have the location!” Pidge’s screech of excitement over the announcement system had Keith nearly dropping his sword in shock, resulting in a painful punch to the gut.

“End training sequence,” he coughed, holding his stomach with a wince.

Shaking off the pain he stowed away his bayard and took off at a run. He’d been waiting for this moment for months now. He’d even had dreams about this, about hearing those exact words from Pidge’s mouth. They’d found Lance. Finally.

Keith skidded into the computer room Pidge was working in. Everyone else had already gathered there, jittery with excitement and anticipation. Keith peered around Coran's shoulder to where Pidge sat. Their eyes were actually glistening with tears of absolute relief as they spoke, explaining how they had pinpointed Lance’s location in terms Keith didn’t bother trying to understand.

“How long will it take us to get there?” he asked impatiently.

“Well considering that we’ve had months to prepare we should be able to wormhole there right away,” Allura said. 

“What’s the plan after that?” Hunk asked nervously.

“We smash those motherfuckers to pieces,” Keith snarled. 

Shiro sighed. “I’ve come up with a battle plan.”

“But I…” Keith started.

“I know you’re angry but we need to stay rational about this. We don’t want anyone else to be captured or for them to slip Lance away in an escape pod. We can’t just dive into this headfirst acting on anger alone,” Shiro explained calmly.

Keith nodded slowly, trying to cool off. He knew Shiro was right. It was just hard to acknowledge when his blood was boiling with the need to destroy, to hurt the Galra for taking Lance and likely torturing him. His emotions were strong enough that he had difficulty tamping them down with reason. He didn’t want anyone else to get captured though, that would be counter-productive, and if they managed to get Lance away then all of this would be for nothing and they’d have to start from the beginning with tracking him down. Keith was pretty sure he couldn’t live through another few months of knowing Lance was imprisoned by those sadists. 

“Tell us your plan Shiro. Then let’s get going. I can’t stand knowing where Lance is and not doing anything to save him,” Keith said. 

The others nodded in agreement. Shiro gave him a small, reassuring smile and launched into his plan of attack. 

\-------------------------------------------------

Lance was starting to lose hope. He’d tried to cling to it for so long but his grip on it was weakening. This felt like his life now. He was forever doomed to be Lotor’s fuck toy until the day he died. His team would never find him. Lotor made sure he knew that. The Galra had technology that humans couldn’t even begin to imagine so there was no way that even Pidge would be able to track them down. It was useless to keep hoping.

Lance wished he’d let himself die back when he considered it before the arena fighting days. If he’d let a sword go through his chest in his first fight then he wouldn’t be here. He’d have died a heroic death in space. The others could tell his family back home that. There was no way his family was going to be hearing about what was actually happening now. It would utterly destroy them. 

Lance was lying in bed crying quietly to himself next to Lotor when the first touch of hope came to him. Sirens went off rousing the prince who scowled and pushed away from Lance in his haste to scramble out of bed and into his gear. 

“Stay here,” Lotor ordered as he left the room.

Unfortunately that order went for the guards too until the ship was rocked with a blast that made them all stumble. The alarm grew in intensity followed by a loud command that all available soldiers report to their ships. The guards quickly obeyed, leaving only one Galra to guard him. Seeing how meek and obedient Lance had been lately they probably thought that was enough. They were wrong.

The moment the door shut behind the other Galra soldiers Lance turned to one left to watch over him. He seemed unsettled and a bit antsy about being left behind. Hatred for him overtook Lance like a tidal wave of fury. This was one of the guards who stood by and watched Lotor torture and rape and shame him over and over again. Lance struggled against two or more guards but he’d never been left alone with just one. Maybe they realized that he was getting stronger the longer he was prisoner. It would be impossible not to with him training several hours every single day.

The guard had his attention fixed on the door when Lance pounced. He hit the soldier straight in the chest, robotic eye tracking every twitch of muscle that happened, waiting for the moment the Galra would strike back. His metal hands easily caught the defensive hit that came his way. With strength that shocked even himself he kneeled on each arm, pinning them and pressed both robotic thumbs into the Galra’s eyes. 

The rage was all consuming. Months of torture and rape and all sorts of hell suddenly washed over him and all his fury was aimed at the Galra beneath him. He pushed as hard as he could and blood gushed over the purple fur of the soldier’s face, splattering up Lance’s arms from the force of his thumbs in the yellow eyes. He pushed harder, his strength so great that he could hear the soldier’s skull begin to crack. He felt a sort of sadistic glee at this.

'This is what they get,' he thought. 'This is payback for what these sick fucks have done to me. Who’s helpless now?'

“Lance?”

He whipped his head up at the sound of a familiar voice that he never thought he’d hear again. His best friend stood in the doorway, face going pale in shock at the sight before him. He balked a little at Lance, covered in scars and metal hands splattered with blood.

“Hunk?” he whispered back in shock. 

Lance wondered if he was dreaming. He had dreams about this a lot, about seeing his teammates or his family. He had countless dreams about being rescued. He felt sort of removed from reality. Like maybe this was just a dream. It felt too surreal to be anything else. 

“Hey buddy.” Hunk’s voice trembled as he approached him slowly like he was afraid to frighten Lance. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you.” Tears were welling up in his eyes as he looked over his friend.

Lance lifted his bloody hands from the Galra’s face and, trembling, took the gloved hand that Hunk was offering him. He was immediately pulled into a hug that had him stiffening in terror. The only person who had hugged him in months was Lotor and that usually meant something terrible was about to follow.

Hunk quickly let go. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think… I just missed you so much.” He was outwardly crying now as kept Lance at arm’s length for fear of scaring him again.

The ship rocked with another explosion. Lance stumbled and Hunk gently righted him. The Galra soldier on the ground moaned with pain. Lance swallowed hard when he surveyed the damage he had done in his anger. There was a lot of blood.

“Come on,” Hunk said. “I ran ahead to find you but everyone else is in their lions fighting to keep them distracted for me. Let’s get you back to Yellow and we’ll go back to the castle and wormhole out of here.”

Lance grasped his friend’s hand with relief. This was real. This was happening. After all of this time he was finally escaping. It was almost too good to be true. He knew where they kept his paladin armor and bayard so he had Hunk wait a moment for him to change, politely turning around to give him privacy. He got a bit teary eyed at that courtesy that hadn’t been afforded him in so long. As soon as he was dressed and armed the two of them ran. 

Hunk led the way and seemed to be talking to Pidge in his earpiece. It felt so odd being on this side of the mission, as the one being rescued rather than doing the rescuing. It was a bit strange seeing it all from an outside perspective. He kept close to Hunk, feeling dazed and still trying to come to terms with what was happening so quickly. 

When they finally reached where Hunk had left Yellow they were both surprised to see Red there as well. They didn’t have time to contemplate it as they were swarmed by Galra drones immediately. Lance was used to fighting these drones. He automatically fell into fight stance and took them all out in a matter of seconds. Hunk was left gaping in awe and Lance was the one to push him forward this time. They didn’t have any time to waste. 

“Pet!” 

He froze immediately at Lotor’s voice. It was instinctual. He slowly turned around. Lotor was clutching what appeared to be a broken arm and was fuming with anger. Lance felt terror overwhelm him and stood staring wide-eyed at the man who had kept him enslaved for so long.

“Get back here motherfucker!” 

Lance jumped, startled out of his terrified stupor by a very familiar voice. A streak of red flew from the doorway and body slammed Lotor to the ground. Lance knew immediately who it was. He’d recognize that mullet anywhere. 

“Keith,” Lance said with more emotion than he meant to show.

Keith looked up. His eyes were blazing with rage. His black hair was plastered to his sweaty face and his mouth was twisted into a snarl. Lance couldn’t help but think that he was absolutely beautiful in his fury. 

Keith’s face fell the moment his eyes landed on Lance. He looked devastated. Lance felt immediately self-conscious. Even with the scars all over his body covered up the ones on his face were still visible as were his ungloved Galra hands and very obvious robotic eye. He wondered what was going through Keith’s head.

“I’ll kill you,” Keith was looking at Lotor again and this time the anger seemed to have doubled. “I’m going to fucking kill you, you disgusting piece of shit.”

Without further ado Keith grabbed Lotor’s silvery white hair in his fist and proceeded to slam his head repeatedly into the ground. Lotor tried to fight back but Keith was part Galra too. He was just as strong and kept the Galra prince pinned as he yanked back and forth hitting Lotor’s head to the floor again and again until blood was splattering everywhere. He let go and started hitting Lotor in the face with his fists repeatedly. His face was swelling; a few teeth even got knocked out. Lance was pretty sure Keith was going to actually kill him and he wasn’t inclined to stop him. In fact he’d never loved Keith more than he did in that moment, watching him avenge all of his pain and suffering over the last few months.

It was Hunk who finally stepped in. He looked scared and a little sick as he grabbed Keith’s arm. 

“I know he deserves it but we need to go Keith. We’ve got to get Lance out of here. You weren’t even supposed to leave your lion.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Keith said darkly but he didn’t throw off Hunk’s hand.

He stood up, wiping off some of the blood that had splattered onto his face off on his sleeve. He looked at Lance again. They locked eyes and Lance could feel something pass between them. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly but it was strong and emotional and he could feel his heart pick up speed in his chest. Keith pulled his gaze away and walked briskly back to his lion, lowering the particle barrier around it.

Lance numbly followed Hunk back to Yellow who lowered her mouth to let them in. He sat in shock as they took off, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened. 

After everything that he’d gone through he was finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to see how many people have been commenting and leaving kudos! You guys are amazing :)
> 
> P.S. I just realized Keith says fuck a lot in this chapter lol


	7. I'm Sorry That You Never Made It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of comments the last chapter got makes me so so happy! Thank you so much to all of my readers. You give me motivation to keep writing :)

Lance felt distinctly off kilter being back with the team. He couldn’t help but tense at every movement, expecting it to turn out this was all a dream and Lotor was shaking him awake for a fuck. He had a hard time grasping this reality after he’d started to accept that he was never going to leave imprisonment. His freedom had come so suddenly and unexpectedly and he was left reeling in the aftermath.

Seeing the others again had been different than what he’d expected. He’d known Hunk would be emotional. He didn’t expect much of a reception from anyone else. Shiro and Allura both had always seemed annoyed by him. Pidge paid him no mind half the time either. He thought Coran might give him a hearty pat on the back and the others would probably give him a halfhearted ‘welcome back’. Keith he had always expected wouldn’t really care and probably wouldn’t say anything at all. He was very wrong.

The moment Lance was out of Yellow the others were scrambling towards him. He flinched back at the sudden rush of bodies surrounding him and they immediately calmed and backed off a bit when they noticed. Pidge was the first one to move again, throwing their arms around his waist and immediately bursting into tears. 

They were small enough that their hug didn’t startle him the way Hunk’s had and Lance hugged back slowly, startled by the outpouring of emotion. He was pretty sure he’d never seen Pidge cry like this. They were sobbing big wet sobs as they buried their face in his chest. He patted their back a bit awkwardly, shocked that he had evoked such emotion in them. He teared up a little himself. He’d missed Pidge a lot.

“I’m so sorry,” Pidge cried. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you. I was trying so hard I swear.”

“It’s ok,” Lance said instantly. “I don’t blame you. I’m just glad you did eventually find me. I was starting to think nobody ever would. You’re a genius Pidge.”

Pidge hugged him for a moment longer before stepping back. They sniffled wiping furiously at their eyes. Lance gave them a shaky smile. Allura was the next one to move. She quickly moved forward as well as if to embrace him and Lance stumbled backwards, startled by her sudden movement towards him. She paused, looking a bit at loss of what to do.

“Are you hurt?” she asked. Lance didn’t think he’d ever seen her seem so unsure of herself.

He shrugged, not sure how to answer the question. “I’m not in any physical pain right now,” he finally replied.

Shiro moved towards him more cautiously. “Is it ok if I hug you as well?”

Lance turned his head so quickly it nearly gave him whiplash. Shiro also wanted to… hug him? His brain was having a hard time computing that request from Shiro of all people. He was the first one to ask permission instead of just going for it.

Lance nodded and Shiro moved slowly, Lance’s Galra eye following every movement carefully, and wrapped his arms around Lance’s shoulders, pulling him close. Lance tensed for a moment, getting used to the feeling. After a minute or so he relaxed enough to hug him back. He felt unshed tears burning his eyes and tried to keep from breaking down over this. 

When Shiro stepped back his face was full of concern and a deep sadness that shocked Lance with its intensity. He didn’t think that Shiro cared so much but apparently he cared a lot. He looked so heartbroken that it was impossible to deny.

Coran stepped up and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He smiled down fondly at him. “You were greatly missed my boy. You don’t know how glad I am to have you back.”  
Lance placed his hand over Coran’s, getting choked up again. “Thank you.” 

Keith was the last one to approach. He was still splattered in Lotor’s blood. His hair was a mess and his fists clenched at his side. His eyes were intense when they met Lance’s. He felt a shiver of anticipation go up his spine.

“Can I hug you too?” he mumbled, seeming a bit awkward and almost shy about the request.

“Y-ya. Sure,” Lance stuttered out in shock. This was even weirder than Shiro’s request.

Keith moved even slower than Shiro had. Lance’s robotic eye caught the trembling of his hands. It tracked the minuscule uncertainty in his steps forward. He wasn’t sure where to put his arms so they hung limply at his side as Kieth softly slipped his arms around his back and hugged him. After a couple of frantic heartbeats he lifted his arms up as well and put them around Keith, returning the hug. Keith tightened his grip at that and suddenly his face was buried in Lance’s neck and he was shaking in his arms. His trembling form was so different than Lotor that Lance relaxed and pushed his own face into Keith’s thick black hair, inhaling the smoky scent of gunfire and sweat. 

A surge of emotion broke the wall he’d put up and he started to cry in earnest. Keith hugged him fiercely and Lance felt dampness on his own neck. He had a hard time wrapping his mind around the realization that Keith was also crying though a lot more quietly than Lance was with his sudden heaving sobs. When the crying quieted down he pulled back, wiping furiously at his face, cheeks burning red with embarrassment. Keith quickly scrubbed at his own eyes, head turned away.

Coran cleared his throat to break the tense silence that followed. “Er, Lance if you don’t mind I’d like to take you to the healing pods to give you a check over.”

Lance hesitated. He didn’t really want anyone to know what had happened to him. He knew Hunk had probably guessed at most of it. He’d seen him in that revealing clothing and all of the scars against his bare skin. The rest of them had no idea though and he’d like to keep it that way. 

“Nobody else has to be there,” Coran said kindly. 

Lance nodded, still a bit unsure. He supposed when it came down to it he did trust Coran to keep quiet about what he found. Getting checked out was probably a good idea too. His body and mind had both been through quite a lot of stress. He stepped forward to follow Coran out of the room.

When he glanced back everyone was staring at him. The concern on their faces made his chest feel warm. They did care. They cared a lot more than he would have ever guessed. That meant the world to him. 

Keith took a step forward as if to follow them but something in Lance’s expression stopped him. He faltered and stepped back again. Lance noticed Keith chewing his lip anxiously before he turned back around and left. He was anxious himself about what was about to happen. He followed Coran into the medical room.

“I don’t have to undress do I?” he asked in a small voice.

Coran didn’t flinch from the question. He simply smiled understandingly and shook his head. “No need Lance. Go ahead and step into one of the pods. It’ll close for a moment and run a diagnostic on you. Then you’re free to step out and I’ll let you know what it found.”

Lance let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and sagged with relief. He didn’t know if he could handle undressing in front of anyone any time soon. The idea made his skin crawl. The thought of anyone he cared about seeing the scars on his skin made him physically ill. 

He climbed into the healing pod and closed his eyes. It was peaceful in there for a moment. The quiet was nice, he told himself. It was just a healing pod, not the torture chamber table. He might not have much space to move but he could leave any time he wanted to. He could leave. He could leave any time. He could. He should. He should leave. Oh god he needed to leave. The walls were getting smaller, suffocating him. There was no room to move. It was like he was strapped on that table again, waiting for whatever pain was next. His eyes flew open and he pushed frantically at the glass. He couldn’t breathe. He was going to die. He was going to asphyxiate in that goddamn pod. 

There was a hiss as the pod opened and Lance stumbled out. He gasped, chest rising and falling hysterically. He blabbered nonsense apologies to Coran as he clutched at his heaving chest. He swore he could feel the shape of his pounding heart against his palm from how hard it was beating. 

“Are you ok my boy? Do you need anything?” Coran asked. He sounded calm and collected. “Is it ok if I touch you?”

Lance nodded, unable to speak through the residue of his panic. Coran softly held his arm and guided him to a chair where he collapsed. Coran produced a glass of water from somewhere and handed it over. Lance greedily drank, water spilling from the sides of his mouth and trickling down his neck in his haste. 

“I think we’ll talk about the pod’s results tomorrow. It would probably be best for you to get some rest right now,” Coran said kindly.

Lance nodded. His breathing had slowed and the room had stopped spinning. He got to his feet slowly. 

“Thank you. I think you’re right,” he agreed. “I’m going to get some sleep.”

Coran bid him goodnight and he hastily left. When he entered his old room a wave of nostalgia overtook him. Everything was exactly the same as he’d left it. It was like his room had remained frozen in time, a reminder of the person that he used to be. He stared down at his metal hands. He couldn’t sleep here. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.

He changed into pajamas quickly and then left the room. His feet took him to Pidge’s door, the room closest to him. He hesitated to knock. They were probably working on something and would be angry if he disturbed them. He lowered his hand and shuffled about in indecision. When the door opened he almost fell forward in surprise.

“I thought I heard someone out there. I figured that it was Hunk coming to check on me. He’s been such a mother hen lately,” Pidge said, looking up at him.

Lance swallowed, avoiding eye contact. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your work.”

Pidge quickly shook their head. “No! No you definitely didn’t. When I’d get mad before… I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t really you I was mad at. It was more frustration at myself that I’d take out on you. I’m so so sorry that I did that. You didn’t deserve it.”

Lance wasn’t so sure about that but he nodded anyways. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be alone,” he said awkwardly.

Pidge stepped aside, adjusting their glasses. “Come on in. You can sleep here tonight if you need to. I don’t get much sleep anyways so you can take the bed if you want. I’ll probably be working at my desk most of the night. I’m trying to figure out how we were tracked before so that it doesn’t happen again.”

Lance stiffened at the idea of Lotor tracking them down again. Pidge noticed and quickly threw their hands up, waving them frantically. “No I mean I’m sure they won’t find us again. I’ll make sure of it. You don't need to worry Lance.”

Lance nodded slowly and walked towards Pidge’s bed. He wasn’t sure he believed them but he didn’t want to think about that right now. He was tired. The bed was a mess of blankets and pillows and looked comfortable. He curled up on his side, feeling warm in the small bed that smelled like Pidge. It was like being around his younger siblings again, crawling into their beds at night when they came to him crying about not being able to sleep alone in the dark for fear of monsters. He got that same feeling now though the situation was reversed. He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Pidge’s keyboard clacking.


	8. Tells Me That I'm Dreaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are going to slow down a bit from here. There won't be as much action, it's going to be more focused on Lance's healing process and his bonding with his teammates. Each of them are going to get their turn getting closer to Lance. I'm planning on Shiro to be first. That'll start next chapter. For now enjoy this. Thanks for reading!

When Lance woke up he jolted back from the body next to him. He thought he’d been saved. Had it been a dream after all? He was back in bed with Lotor wasn’t he? The dream had been so vivid this time, he’d been sure it was real.

“Lance?” Pidge’s tired voice was heavy with worry. “What’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath and then another, trying to calm down. That’s right; he’d fallen asleep in Pidge’s room last night. It hadn’t been a dream then. He really had been saved. He was safe here. Everything was fine.

“Sorry,” he said wearily. “I thought that I was back there. I thought this was all a dream.”

Pidge looked unsure of what to do. They settled with laying a hand on his arm and awkwardly rubbing up and down in what they probably thought was a soothing manner.

“It’s ok. I’m sorry I startled you. I didn’t really have anywhere else to sleep. You kind of fell asleep in my bed. Which is fine! But there was no way I was sleeping on the floor.”

“It’s my fault,” he replied quickly. “You’re fine. Should we go to breakfast?”

Pidge nodded. “Ya I’m surprised that Hunk isn’t knocking down the door yet. He’s usually pretty punctual with getting us all up in the morning. Well getting me up. Shiro’s usually awake early himself and since we all know he’s been sleeping in Allura’s room lately she’s usually up as well. With Keith it’s less a problem of getting him up and more of getting him to stop training long enough to eat.”

“Shiro’s sleeping with Allura?” 

That threw Lance off. Not that he actually minded or anything, those two had been pining after one another for a while now, but it was still surprising to him that it had finally happened. He thought it would take them a good long while to figure their shit out.

Pidge flushed a little. “I mean I guess so.”

“Huh.” Lance sat up. “Well I’m going to go get dressed in normal clothes. I’ll see you at breakfast. Thanks for letting me crash here last night.”

“Anytime,” Pidge said seriously.

Lance slipped back into his own room. The halls were empty. He smelled awful so he decided to take a quick shower before breakfast. He stripped quickly, feeling nauseous as he did so. The action was too practiced in a bad sort of way. He avoided looking at himself as he climbed into the shower and scrubbed himself red all over. He’d learned already that no amount of soap would ever make him feel clean. 

When he was done he wrapped a towel around his waist and braved the mirror, wiping steam from it so that he could see. What was there shocked him. It was the first time he’d actually looked into a mirror since his capture. He looked like a completely different person.

His hair was getting long, a bit scraggly and unkempt. There were a few thin pale strips of skin where he’d been cut across the face deep enough that it had scarred. While Shiro had only the single scar across his nose Lance’s weren’t so aesthetically pleasing. There was a jagged mark across his right jaw line where a knife had caught and snagged unevenly. There were some smoother slashes on his left cheek, ones that had been done in a much more precise manor. There were three of them right in a row like he’d been clawed by an animal. 

His right eye looked like something out of a terminator movie, glowing an unnatural blue color and obviously mechanical looking. He didn’t have a normal lid on that eye anymore; the eyelid was mechanical as well and only really used for sleep since he didn’t need to blink with the Glara eye. There wasn’t even a tear duct. When he cried it only came from his left eye, something that made him feel like even more of a freak. Haggar hadn’t been very careful with the surgery either so there was a lot of scarring around the eye as well, the skin warped and ugly.

Lance lifted a metal hand to cover the image and let a few tears fall into the sink. He wasn’t pretty anymore. He looked like some sort of cyborg soldier. He hated it. He was hideous, looked barely even human. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He didn’t recognize the person in the mirror. 

Lance hastily left the bathroom and changed into his jeans, t-shirt, and jacket combo that he’d missed. It was comfortable and fully covered his skin which was nice. The same amount of skin as yesterday was showing so it wouldn’t be anything the team hadn’t already seen. Though now that he knew what it was they saw when they looked at him he could understand their reactions and Shiro’s sad expression.

He didn’t bother loitering in his room once he’d dressed. Lance left to go to breakfast, psyching himself up to see his teammates again. He ran into Hunk just outside of his bedroom. 

“Oh hey man I was just coming to see if you were up. Breakfast is ready,” Hunk said.

Lance nodded. “Thanks, I was heading to the dining room now.”

“I’ll go with you then. Everyone else is there,” he replied.

The two of them walked in silence. Even though he was facing away his Galra eye could see Hunk glancing at him anxiously every few seconds. Not much got past Lance anymore. He couldn’t help but think of the last time they walked from his room like this to go to that meeting before the big fight that had led to his capture. The situation had been so different with Lance babbling obnoxiously and Hunk wearily listening, obviously a bit annoyed now that he thought about it. Now they walked in silence.

When they reached the table there was minimum chatter going on. They all paused and looked up to greet him which was a bit weird. Thing were already noticeably different from before. Lance supposed that was to be expected with everything that had happened. He didn’t really expect anything to be the same. He was a different person now and he supposed the whole thing had probably changed everyone else in some ways too.

Apparently there was actual food for breakfast. The sight of it would have made Lance’s mouth water in the past but now it made his stomach turn. He hadn’t truly felt hungry in a long time. He wasn’t sure how much he could eat. To be honest space goo would probably be the best option for him but he didn’t want to seem ungrateful when Hunk had obviously taken the time to put this together for him. It had all of his favorites after all. There were even garlic knots, or the best equivalent that Hunk could make out in space. 

“Thank you Hunk,” he said, truly touched by the gesture even if he wasn’t feeling all that hungry. “This looks amazing.”

Hunk smiled widely. Lance tensed for a moment, worried that he’d go in for a hug or back clap but Hunk did neither, much to his relief. He simply nodded and motioned for Lance to sit, which he did. 

Eating was hard. He enjoyed the taste but only a few bites in he already felt full to bursting. He resigned himself to nibbling slowly at the food, trying to show he was eating without doing much actual swallowing. 

When the meal was finished Coran motioned him to the side. “Would you like to go look at the results of your scan?”

Lance did not want to look at the results. He knew it was better to get it over with rather than putting it off though so he nodded. At least nobody else would be there for this. Coran was good at discreet when it came to sensitive matters like this. 

They walked to the medical bay. There wasn’t any talking. Lance was noticing a pattern. Nobody seemed to know quite what to say to him and he wasn’t really inclined to say anything himself. What would he even talk about really? He wasn’t ready to open up about his time in imprisonment but it was the only thing on his mind. 

“Here we go,” Coran motioned for him to sit down. “Let’s get started.”

Lance sat across from Coran and didn’t bother looking at the charts that he knew he wouldn’t understand. “What did the scan discover?”

“You’re in surprisingly good health,” Coran said. “You’re well hydrated though your stomach has shrunk some, I’m sure eating this morning was difficult. I’ll speak to Hunk about that. It’s probably best to start you on food goo for now until you can handle more normal food. I’m guessing that they kept you on an IV for a good amount of time?”

Lance nodded. They’d let him eat a bit when he was with Lotor. He’d been served food for each meal but hadn’t had much of an appetite then and they usually had to resort to IV’s once a day to keep him from starving himself. He got the proper nutrients needed but his stomach had suffered.

“I also saw a lot of scarring. It seems like there are no infections though and the wounds seemed to have healed rapidly,” Coran said.

Lance nodded again. “It was the Druids. They healed me to keep me from bleeding out or getting infected so that they could keep torturing me without me dying on them.”

Coran looked disturbed by that information. “Well overall you should be physically ok for now. It’s your mind I’m most worried about. The scan showed high likelihood of depression, anxiety, and PTSD with a chance of more disorders developing. I think it would be good for you to talk to someone and learn coping methods so you can better deal with this. I’m trained in such things if you would like to talk to me.”

Lance hesitated for a long while. He didn’t know if talking about what had happened would help. But it sounded like that’s not necessarily what Coran wanted him to do. It was more about learning how to cope with the aftereffects than anything. He trusted Coran to help him with that. 

“Alright,” he agreed quietly.

“We can meet once every one of your Earth weeks if you’d like?” Coran asked.

Lance shrugged. “Sure, if you think that’s best.”

Coran nodded decisively. “Once a week it is. We can consider this your first session if you’d like so you have seven Earth days to think of what you’d like to talk about.”

“Thank you,” Lance said. “I think that’ll help. Was there anything else you’d like to talk to me about?”

“One more,” Coran said. “Your Galra hands and eye.”

Lance winced a bit. It wasn’t really a topic he enjoyed getting brought up. He supposed it was important to mention though. They were a part of his body now.

“The technology is too advanced for the pods to really understand. You seemed to have healed and adapted to them pretty well. There doesn’t seem to be any damage if you were worried about that,” Coran told him.

Lance had already figured that but he appreciated Coran’s words of reassurance all the same. “That’s good to hear.”

“Alright Lance that was all I had for you, I’ll meet you here again in a week and we’ll go over what you think is best to start working on.”

Lance smiled a little. “Thank you Coran. I trust you.”

“I’m honored to have your trust,” he replied.

Lance stood up. He was used to training after breakfast and his body itched for some exercise. He knew Keith was probably in the training room so he figured it was time to go face him and get some training in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a doctor so if I got some things wrong about how the body should work with the starvation and such then I apologize!


	9. I'm Having Trouble in Believing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So big shout out to Baylee whose comment on the last chapter gave me the idea of having Lance go to sit on the floor which turned out to be a major part of this chapter.  
> Also have the start of some Shiro and Lance bonding moments!

Keith didn’t notice at first when Lance entered the training room. He was focused on the training bots around him. There were two, coming at him from each side and keeping him on his toes. He dodged and sliced and did his best to hold them off. Without warning two shots sliced through the air going cleanly through each robot’s head.

Keith spun around in shock. Lance was leaning against the wall with his gun in hand and a small smile playing around his lips. As casual as his stance was there was still something about him that didn’t look quite relaxed. His shoulders were tense and despite the small smile his eyes didn’t hold any happiness. 

“Nice shot,” Keith said.

“Thanks,” Lance replied. “I thought you’d be in here. You need to take a break every once in a while or you’ll hurt yourself.”

Keith snorted. “I think you underestimate my stamina.”

Lance flushed a little and when Keith realized what he was thinking he could feel his own face heating up with embarrassment. “N-no… that's… you know what I meant.”

Lance chuckled, a far cry from what would once have been an outrageous laugh followed by a string of mocking comments. 

He pushed off against the wall and patted his gun. “I’m here for some training myself.”

“Did you want to train with me?” Keith asked.

The blue paladin shook his head, his expression going somber. “Coran said I’m still experiencing the effects of starvation. I’m pretty sure that means I need to take it easy for a bit. I was just going to get some shooting practice in.”

“Ok I think I’ll take a break like you said and watch,” Keith said.

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Alright you can watch me if you’d like.”

Keith felt his stupid face going hot again. “I’m not much good with guns anyways, more of a sword and hand to hand combat person myself. I could stand to learn a few things from our team sharpshooter.” 

Lance looked surprised. “Oh. I mean. Ok.”

Keith shuffled his feet a little feeling slightly unsure of himself. He wasn’t sure what the right thing to say was. He’d tried to psych himself up to comfort Lance when they next met. He sucked at comforting people so he’d been nervous, but Lance didn’t really look like he was in need of comfort at this exact moment. Unless he was putting on a front because he didn’t want Keith to know he did? The comment about the starvation had to have been hard for him to admit. He wasn’t sure what the right thing to do in this situation was so he simply kept his mouth shut and followed Lance to the other side of the training room. 

Lance started up the shooting range and Keith sunk to the ground to sit and watch. With Lance turned mostly away from him he gave himself a moment to admire him. It hurt a lot to see the physical proof of what the Galra had done but Lance would never stop being attractive to Keith. Even with scars and a mechanical eye his face was still beautiful. 

Keith watched with awe as Lance began to shoot. He was incredible. He’d been good before but this was a whole new level of amazing. Each and every single shot hit. There were several targets flying through the air at once and the blue paladin was taking down every single one of them. Keith was surprised that that Lance wasn’t gloating when he turned around. In fact he looked kind of upset.

“It’s the Galra eye,” he said. “It’s almost impossible for me to miss the targets with this thing.”

Keith wasn’t quite sure what to call the look on Lance’s face. It was something like anger and sadness but more complex than that. He wanted to kick Haggar’s face in for making Lance feel whatever it was that he was feeling in that moment. 

“I’ll probably be here for a while.” Lance’s shoulder sagged a little. “I’m not feeling much up to having you watch me now that I think about it. Could you go back to training as well please?”

Keith nodded uncomfortably and got back to his feet. He watched Lance’s back where he’d turned back around to start shooting again. He wanted to go to him, to say something to make him smile but he had no idea what he’d say. There weren’t any words that came to him. He activated his bayard and started up a training sequence.

When lunch time hit Lance looked quite winded for having only stood and shot at targets. They’d been at it for hours and Keith had to hit the shower, as drenched in sweat as he was. He was quick about it and Lance was kind enough to wait outside his door for him so that they could go to the dining room together. They met Shiro and Allura at the doorway where they were just entering as well. 

Everyone sat and began to dig in. Lance grabbed a bowl of food goo and sat on the floor next to Shiro’s seat at the head of the table. He looked absent-minded as he did so, like his body was moving through a routine he was used to. He started to eat with his face turned towards his lap.

The table went deadly quiet. Keith felt his heart sink. Tears stung at his eyes and he choked on words that refused to come. It was obvious that Lotor must have had Lance sit on the floor like a dog at meals. The practiced way he’d done so without thinking was proof of that. He looked so docile and defeated, sitting on the ground with his head down and his shoulders hunched as he nibbled at a bit of food goo. 

Shiro was the first to speak. “Lance?” 

Keith had never heard Shiro’s voice quite so gentle. He spoke as if Lance might break under the pressure of his words. The pain in his eyes was as open as a book. He reached out his Galra arm and gently touched Lance’s shoulder with two fingers, like he was afraid any more would startle him.

Lance looked up and Keith could see the very moment he realized what he’d done. He looked horrified as he scrambled to his feet, hands clutching his bowl in a white-knuckled grip. Keith ached with the need to comfort him but he didn’t move, frozen in place as he sat and watched. Everyone else was just as still, too shocked to do anything.

“Lance it’s ok,” Shiro said quietly. His hand had slipped from Lance’s shoulder when he stood.

“No it’s not.” Keith tensed at the anger in Lance’s voice. “It’s not fucking ok Shiro. None of this is ok.”

Lance slammed to bowl down on the table. He was strong enough that broke beneath his hands and the force of it cracked the table. His eyes were blazing with a wild fury.

“Look at that. Look how strong I am now. Look at my face. I’m a goddamn freak. You’re all thinking it. God knows I can’t stop thinking it. Fuck you Shiro. It’s not ok.” He stopped and choked. Tears were streaming down the left side of his face. 

“God I can’t even cry right,” he said as he furiously wiped at his cheek. “Nothing is ok.” His voice got abruptly quiet. “I’m not ok.”

Lance turned on his heel and left the room, leaving them all staring after him in absolute shock. Hunk was the first to shift. He started to stand but stumbled back into his seat and put his head into his hands.

“I don’t know what to say to him.” Hunk started to cry in earnest. 

“I’ll go after him,” Shiro said. “I think I understand a little. I’ll talk to him.”

Keith watched him go. Hunk was still crying. Keith felt like crying too but he didn’t. He felt sort of numb and hollowed out. He felt so fucking useless.

\----------------------------------------------

Lance was in pain. He was in so much pain. He was pretty sure everybody was probably talking about him now that he was gone. Probably talking about what a fucking freak he was and how he’d lost control of himself back there. He paced his room frantically feel a pent up sort of painful energy in his chest. It was like there was a rabid animal inside of him trying to claw its way out. 

He hadn’t meant to sit on the floor. He was so used to it though. Lunch time was where he sat at Lotor’s feet. It’s what he’d always done. Training and then lunch on the floor. The routine had been quite literally beaten into him. He hadn’t even thought about it. And then there was the pity in Shiro’s eyes. Like he thought Lance was weak, like he thought Lance would break. As if he could possibly break any more than he already had. 

A knock on his door gave him pause. He wondered who had pitied him enough to follow. Maybe it was Hunk, or even Pidge. 

Lance hesitated before opening the door. It slid open to reveal Shiro. Lance wasn’t sure he wanted to see Shiro, not after he’d just screamed ‘fuck you’ in his face, but here he was. Shiro looked as serious as he always was around Lance.

“Is it alright if I come in?”

Fuck it. He was probably going to come in no matter what Lance said. He nodded and stepped aside. Shiro entered and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, fidgeting.

“Just sit down already.” Lance motioned to his bed.

Lance sat down and Shiro hastily joined him. He seemed nervous. Probably afraid Lance was going to have another meltdown and start breaking things. Shiro didn’t do that. Shiro had been through hell too and he didn’t break bowls and scream at the rest of the team. Lance felt a weird sort of jealousy.

“It’s ok to not be ok,” Shiro finally said.

Lance snorted. “Because that makes a lot of sense.”

“I mean that you’re ok to feel whatever you’re feeling. It doesn’t make you a freak. It just makes you human. You’ve been through a lot. I don’t even know anything about what you went through but I can tell it hurt you a lot…”

Lance laughed, loud and bitter. “You want to know don’t you? You all want to know? They tortured me Shiro. They gave me Glara tech hands because they crushed all of my fingers one by one. Lotor raped me. He raped me every goddamn day for months. They took my eye. They scarred me up. They broke me.”

He was shaking with the outpouring of emotion. He didn’t know why he was telling Shiro this. He’d never been close to Shiro. They rarely ever had conversations between the two of them outside of paladin work. It was like a dam broke though and he was word vomiting all of these feeling up.

“You tell me that I’m not a freak but I am. I can’t stand the sight of myself. Lotor branded me. I have scars telling me how worthless I am across my entire torso. I had to fight to survive. And then I had to obey to survive. I hate what I had to do. I hate myself for taking it all. I hate that it’s still affecting me even though I’m not there anymore.” He was crying openly now, not even bothering to wipe the flood of tears.

“You did what you had to,” Shiro said. “And look, here you are. You survived. You’re alive. You did what you had to in order to be right here, right now. You can’t begin to imagine how happy we all are that you’re able to stand here today. We love you Lance. You’re our teammate and our friend and our family and I’m so happy that you’re alive. I’m so happy that you were strong enough to survive.”

Shiro reached out his arms in invitation. Lance didn’t even stop to think before he was throwing himself into those arms and sobbing into his chest. Shiro rubbed his back soothingly.

“You’re just a kid.” His voice sounded like he was crying now too. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You’re so young and you deserve so much more than what you had to deal with. The fact that you’re still here shows just how strong you are. You’re amazing Lance. I’m so happy you’re here.”

Lance cried like he hadn’t in a long time. He sobbed for what must have been at least twenty minutes or so. Shiro murmured reassurances and rubbed his back gently. Lance felt safe. For the first time in moths he really truly felt safe. Shiro was strong and he understood in part. He understood having scars and replaced limbs and seeing the hell the Galra had to offer. So Lance let himself open up to him and find comfort in his arms. 

Maybe Shiro was right. Maybe it was ok for him to not be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried a little when I wrote this because I cry over everything and I'm an emotional wreck.


	10. Listen to Every Word He's Speaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have some Hunk bonding but Keith ended up taking too much space in this chapter so I moved Hunk to the next chapter.  
> Enjoy some Klance!

Lance was scared to face the rest of the team after the lunch time fiasco. Shiro assured him that none of them thought any worse of him for it but Lance was pretty sure Shiro couldn’t possibly know what the others were thinking. He knew it was likely not anything good about him. They probably thought he was crazy. 

After an hour or so Lance decided to go see Blue. He actually felt bad that he hadn’t done that earlier. He’d been so caught up in the whirlwind of returning to the team and being rescued that he hadn’t thought to go check up with his lion and make sure she was ok. She’d almost been captured as well and had to go this entire time without her paladin.

He snuck through the hallways but didn’t run into anyone. Nobody had bothered him since Shiro left. He wondered if Shiro had told them to leave him alone or if they just didn’t care. 

When he reached the hanger he almost cried at the wave of emotion that swept over him. Blue immediately reached out to send relief through their bond. He ran the rest of the way to her and collapsed onto her paw, hugging the small bit of her that he could reach. Guilt seeped through the bond, heavy and thick. Lance quickly shook his head and reassured her.

“It’s ok,” he said aloud. “It was better that one of us got away than that they captured us both. I was so happy when I heard you got free. You did good girl.”

Blue sent a wave of love and a feeling like a warm embrace. Lance basked in the comfort of it and sent back his own pulse of love and contentment. He was so glad that Blue was ok. It would have been so much harder to get her out during the rescue than it was to just free Lance. 

Lance stayed with Blue for what must have been hours. They sent feelings and images back and forth, just enjoying each others company. Dinner time came and went. Lance realized that he hadn’t eaten much at lunch and should probably get some sustenance in him. Once he was sure it had been long enough for everyone to clear out of the dining room he bade Blue goodbye for the moment and climbed off of her paw to head to the kitchen.

Once again the hallways were empty. He made it to the kitchen without seeing anyone. Lance decided that sticking to regular old food goo like Coran had suggested was the best choice so he grabbed a bowl and started to fill it up.

“Lance?”

He jumped and whipped around at the sound of his name. Keith was standing in the doorway looking tentative. They looked at each other for a moment before Keith finally moved, walking into the kitchen.

“Are you… feeling ok?” Keith asked inelegantly. 

Lance stared at him, not really sure how to reply. Part of him wanted to snap back that ‘no he was most definitely not feeling ok’, but he could tell that it took a lot for Keith to say anything. Lance knew Keith wasn’t the best with emotions so he was actually quite surprised he’d approached him at all.

“Shiro talked to me,” he said. “It helped a little.”

“I’m sorry,” Keith blurted out. “I wish I could help.”

Lance shifted awkwardly. “There’s not really anything you can do, but thanks.”

“Ok,” Keith looked dejected as he took a step back.

Lance turned away and continued filling himself a bowl of food goo. Keith didn’t leave. Lance wondered what he wanted and why he was still there. There was an uncomfortable tension in the air. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. 

Lance grabbed a spoon and sat at the table. Keith quietly joined him, sitting in the seat next to him. There was nothing but the sound of his spoon clanking against the edge of the bowl for a few minutes as he ate.

Keith reached out suddenly. Lance flinched back immediately on instinct. He stared wide eyed at the red paladin, whose hand fell limply back into his lap. Lance tried to relax. He knew that Keith wouldn’t hurt him but sometimes his body reacted on its own. He didn’t like anyone moving towards him so quickly without any warning. 

“What was your family like?” Keith asked abruptly as if to banish the tense silence they were surrounded by.

Lance startled at the question. “My family?” he asked in confusion.

“Ya. You mention them from time to time but you never really talk about them much except to say that you miss them. Tell me about them.”

Lance stared at him, wondering why Keith was still talking to him, asking about his family of all things. Keith stared back steadily. There was a hardened resolve in his eyes, like he’d made a decision on something and wasn’t backing down. Lance was still unclear as to what he would be so determined about. 

“Well,” he started, “my oldest sister’s name is Aymee. She’s CEO of the Edgewater Corporations. She’s usually known for being hard and cold. She’s a fierce and strong person and people respect her. When she’s with her family though she softens up a lot. It’s amazing to watch. I see her on TV all harsh and professional but at home she smiles and laughs at my jokes and tells us all how much she loves us. I’ve always looked up to her.”

“CEO huh? That’s really impressive,” Keith said. “How many siblings do you have?”

“Seven,” Lance replied.

Keith looked absolutely stunned. “That’s insane. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have one sibling let alone seven. I’ve been alone most of my life. Seems like it would be… loud.”

Lance laughed a little. “You could say that. There’s always yelling and screaming and singing and dancing. Kids underfoot and momma telling them to quiet down and calling for us to help with chores. Never a dull moment in that house.”

“Tell me about the rest of your siblings,” Keith urged.

“Well next oldest would be Dayma,” he said. 

Lance talked about his family for a long time, eating a little as he did so. Keith would chime in with a comment here and there but mostly he listened and prodded at Lance to continue. Lance felt warmth and an ache of longing in his chest as he spoke. He sincerely missed his family so deeply that it hurt. Talking about them was nice though. It made him think of the good times that had happened and the ones that he was determined would happen someday in the future. 

“What about you?” Lance asked when he’d reminisced memories of all of his siblings, parents, and grandparent. “What was your family like?”

“Never really had much of a family. Mom was gone when I was an infant. I lost dad when I was about 8 years old and ended up in the foster system.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Lance said.

Keith shrugged. “What I’ve learned from that is that people aren’t always trustworthy. I still get… upset sometimes that my mom walked out on us. I guess it makes some sense now that I know she was Galra, at least in part. Still, she could’ve stuck around long enough to watch me grow up.”

Lance hesitated, wanting to comfort Keith but unsure how well that comfort would be received. He ended up reaching out and putting his hand over the red paladin’s. To his immense surprise Keith turned his over so that they were holding hands and gave a little squeeze. He even looked kind of happy about it. Lance felt his face flush a little at that.  
It was weird talking to Keith like this. There wasn’t any yelling or boasting or banter of any kind. They were just talking to each other about their families. About their feelings. It was a very unexpected and new experience. It was nice though. They’d never bothered to really sit down and learn about each other. It wasn’t helping his crush any either. In fact Lance was drowning in feelings now, his heart beating so hard he felt like he could feel his chest move from the force of it. He gave Keith’s hand a small squeeze in return and tried not to blush even more over the action.

“So, uh,” Keith looked rather flustered as he stammered around his next sentence. “Do you want to train together or something?”

Lance almost wanted to laugh. He was pretty sure training was the only thing Keith could think of to go do together. It was endearing in a way. 

“I’m not really feeling up to more training right now,” he admitted.

Keith seemed to deflate at that, looking disappointed. Lance felt his heart skip a beat at that. It was like he really wanted to spend time together. With Lance. Keith wanted to hang out with him. It was weird and exciting. Also kind of scary. He felt some anxiety creeping up on him. What if he was misreading the situation? What if Keith was just trying to be polite or doing this out of some strange sense of duty? What if he asked because he really did think that Lance needed more training?

Lance started to pull his hand away as he panicked. He had probably held on too long. Keith was going to realize he had a massive crush on him. He probably wouldn’t be sitting and having casual conversation with Lance if he knew. He’d probably get pissed off, disgusted. He wouldn’t want to be around Lance anymore. 

Keith wouldn’t let his hand go. He gripped harder and looked highly concerned. 

“Hey what’s going on? Is something wrong?”

Lance took a deep breath. Then another one. And another. And again. He was panicking over nothing. There was no reason to freak out. Keith had asked him to spend some time with him. There was no need to look too far into it. Things were fine. He took another breath. 

“Sorry. I’m ok,” he said. “It’s stupid.”

Keith looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. Another awkward silence fell, made even more awkward by the fact that they were still holding hands. Lance stared at where their hands intertwined, metal against skin, trying to make sense of it.

“Was there something else you want to do?” Keith asked finally.

Lance thought for a moment, trying not to let himself panic again, and tried to think of something that would help him relax. “There’s the star map room. You know how sometimes Allura can bring up the map of galaxies? There’s a whole room dedicated to a map like that. It’s beautiful.”

Keith seemed to perk up at the suggestion. “Ok, let’s do it.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Keith was determined after what had happened at lunch. He had known he was going to talk to Lance and listen to him and do his best to help him feel better. When they’d been sitting at the table together it had hit him. Lance’s family. They seemed to be one of the most important things to him. So he’d asked about them, drawn Lance out of his shell. 

He hadn’t wanted to stops spending time together after that so he’d suggested the only thing that came to mind, training. Lance had shot it down but to Keith’s relief he’d suggested looking at the star map together in its place. Keith was secretly really happy about that. It sounded almost romantic. He didn’t know a whole lot about romance but this felt like something Lance might find romantic. Of course that could be wishful thinking on Keith’s part. He didn’t want to assume anything or cross any of Lance’s boundaries. 

When they stood up from the table they were still holding hands. Keith wasn’t sure what hand holding protocol was. Should he let go? He didn’t know if it would be weird to keep holding on or if it would be weirder to suddenly stop. In his indecision he continued to hold Lance’s hand and Lance made no move to pull away so he assumed it was the right move. 

“Lead the way,” Keith said. “I’m not really sure where we’re going.”

“Ok.” Lance gave him a small smile. “There’s a lot more to this ship than I think anyone but Coran and Allura realize. I found this room a long time ago and I would go there sometimes to be alone and think.”

Keith felt honored that Lance was taking him to the place he went to be alone. It felt like a level of trust that he hadn’t realized the two of them had. It made a ball of happiness burn bright in his chest. 

Lance led him by the hand through several winding hallways that Keith had never been down before. They took the elevator up a level and there were a couple of more twists and turns before they reached what must have been the right room. Lance opened the door and pulled him inside.

The room was dark but Lance clicked a switch on the wall and the stars blossomed into existence. Keith looked around in amazement. Lance tugged on his hand as he lay down and Keith quickly followed. The ground was hard but there were some blankets and pillows that he assumed Lance had lain out in the past to make them more comfortable.

It probably shouldn’t have been as stunning as it was what with them being in actual space but something about laying in the quiet stillness surrounded on all sides by the beautiful lights and holding hands with Lance made everything that much more awe-inspiring. He moved slowly so as not to startle Lance and inched close enough that their shoulders touched. His body felt warm but the coolness of Lance’s metal hand felt nice against his hand. He had brief thought about those hands cooling down the rest of his body and quickly pushed that thought away. It wasn’t something that would be happening any time soon and he felt sort of wrong thinking about Lance that way knowing that based on Lance's reactions to anyone moving towards him to quickly or touching him to much, it wouldn’t be something he’d enjoy at this point in time. 

Keith turned his head slightly to look at Lance. He was gazing upward. His right eye glowed like the stars did, though with a more blueish hue. His human eye sparkled in the starlight and his skin looked soft in the gentle glow surrounding them. There was a look of peace settled over his features that Keith was sure he hadn’t had since before his capture. It made Keith feel a little choked up and he quickly looked away, swallowing hard over the sudden lump in his throat. 

Time slipped by at a steady pace. The two of them lay in silence enjoying each other’s company in the artificial starlight. For the first time in a very long time both of them felt peaceful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy at the amount of reviews I've been getting. I never expected so many. I try to reply to all of them but if I ever miss any it's by accident and I apologize! Thank you all so much for reading!!!


	11. My Gravity Centered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone I had some writers block so this chapter is kind of short. Mostly just some Hunk/Lance bonding. Next chapter should be a bit longer and have more going on. I just hit a bit of a snag in my writing but hopefully you still enjoy the chapter!

Lance woke up yelling. There were hands grabbing at his shoulders, trying to hold him still. He knew it was Lotor even though he couldn’t see him. He thrashed against the prince’s hold, hands balled into fists as he swung wildly at his captor. He had some fight in him today. He wasn’t going to be taken without getting a few punches in. There was a grunt as one of his hands met flesh but it didn’t quite sound like Lotor. Perhaps it was a Galra guard? Lance wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he was going to fight with every ounce of strength that he had. He couldn’t go through this again. He refused. 

“Lance!”

Ok that was definitely not Lotor but it didn’t sound like a guard either. There was something familiar about that voice. He was pretty sure he’d heard it many times before.

“Lance wake up, it’s ok!”

Lance opened his eyes and jolted into a sitting position, sending Keith tumbling backwards. He was sweating profusely and had a pounding headache. It was darker than Lance had expected it to be in his room. His back hurt and he was confused as to why Keith was here with him. 

As he looked around, gathering his senses it all came back to him. They were in the star map room though the map was off, leaving them in darkness. He must have fallen asleep while they were lying there together. The realization that he’d slept next to Keith should have made him feel something, nervous or excited, but he was still stuck in a state of terror where nothing could get through. 

It had felt so real. Like Lotor was really there. Like Lance was right back in his bed. He squeezed his eyes shut and hugged his knees close to his chest. It wasn’t real. He was safe.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t,” Keith assured him. “You got a good punch in but that’s about it. It looked like you were having a pretty bad dream.”

“I’m sorry that you had to see that,” Lance said quietly.

Keith shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. I’ve woken Shiro up from nightmares before. It’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s not your fault.”

“I dreamed I was back in Lotor’s bed. I wasn’t just scared I was angry. I wasn’t going to let him touch me again.”

Keith’s hands clenched into fists so hard that his hands trembled. “I’m sorry Lance. You’re safe now. I’ll kill him before I let him lay so much as a finger on you.”

Lance took a deep breath to keep himself from crying. “Thank you Keith. Trust me I’ll fight to my last breath too before I let that happen.”

Keith slowly reached out to rub Lance’s back. Lance smiled and leaned into him. Keith looked surprised but his expression quickly turned into a smile and he hooked his chin over Lance’s shoulder as he continued to rub his back. They sat comfortably like that for a moment before Lance sat up properly, pulling away.

“We should probably get down to breakfast before they worry we’re missing,” he said.

Keith nodded, letting his arm drop away from Lance. “Ya let’s get going.”

He stood up and reached out a hand to help Lance to his feet as well. The two of them tidied up the blankets and pillows before leaving. They walked back down to the elevator and then through the winding hallways again before they reached the dining room where they ran into a frantic Hunk. 

“Lance! Keith! Where were you? We thought you’d gotten taken again? You weren’t in your rooms or in the training room. I was so scared. I… Lance you can’t do that to me.” Hunk looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Lance and Keith exchanged startled glances.

“I’m sorry Hunk,” Lance said. “We spent the night on one of the upper levels. Just needed some time to relax for a bit. We didn’t mean to make you worry.”

Hunk shook his head. “When you were gone it was the worst time of my entire life. I can’t lose you again.”

Lance motioned for Keith to go on without him and grasped Hunk’s arm. “Come on buddy we’re going to go talk and get you calmed down before we eat.”

Lance let Hunk into his room. He sat on his bed but Hunk immediately began pacing back and forth. He still looked highly agitated. 

“You’ve been my best friend since we were kids,” he started. “I love you Lance, you’re like a brother to me. When you were captured I was terrified. But we didn’t really know what was happening. The moment I first saw you in that room all covered in blood and scars I knew what they’d done to you and I never want them to touch you again. I don’t want you to be a part of Voltron anymore. Not when that puts you at risk. Not when it sets you right in the Galra’s sights. I can’t lose you like that again. You deserve so much more than this. You deserve to be at home with your family, or back to goofing off at the Garrison. This should never have happened to you. I’m so sorry Lance. I wish I could make this all go away.”

“Hey,” Lance snagged Hunk’s arm as he passed by and tugged him down to sit on the bed. “I admit that the idea of getting back into Blue and fighting is terrifying to me right now. But after all we’ve been through I can’t give up on Voltron. What we’re doing is important. We’re saving lives Hunk. You’re concern means a lot to me though. Thank you for caring.”

“Of course I care,” Hunk said. “We’ve been best friends since we were in diapers.”

Lance smiled. “We have. I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side. I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“Remember when we were eleven and that group of kids started bullying me?” Hunk asked. “They were pushing me around and calling me names and even though you were smaller than all of them you marched right up and told them all off so fiercely that they actually left me alone. You’re amazing and I wouldn’t want anyone else watching my back. You’ve always had so much life in you and it kills me to know what happened to you. To know that there’s something that might take that away. If there’s anything that I can do to help I’ll do it.”

“Just be there to listen or to sit with me when I need it. That’s all I really need right now,” Lance said.

Hunk nodded. “I can do that. You’re always free to talk to me or come to me if you want a giant bear hug.”

“Thanks Hunk. That means a lot to me. You feeling ready to go out there and get some breakfast?”

“Ya,” Hunk sniffled a little. “Can I have a hug first?”

Lance initiated the hug himself. He felt more comfortable about it with him being the one to go in for it rather than having Hunk coming towards him. He squeezed his friend tight and Hunk hugged back fiercely before releasing him. Lance pulled back with a smile.

“You’ll always be my best friend Hunk. Even if you’re not sure what to say to me just sitting with me and letting me know that you’re there helps,” he said.

Hunk nodded. “I’ll always be there for you. I’ll never let something like that happen to you again. I swear it.”

The two of them wiped away the couple of tear that had started to fall and stood. Together they left the room in a comfortable silence as they walked back to the dining room together. Everyone was already there and in the midst of breakfast when they arrived. They looked up to greet the two of them before going back to their food.

Lance grabbed a bowl of food goo and took one of the open seats between Shiro and Keith. Keith looked over to him as if making sure he was ok. Lance gave him a reassuring smile and he relaxed. 

“What do you say we have a movie night?” Hunk asked suddenly. “Pidge and I managed to rig up their laptop to the projector room to play the movies they had downloaded on there.”

Lance perked up with excitement. “That’s a hell yes from me!” 

Keith smiled softly at Lance’s enthusiasm. “I’m in as well.”

Shiro looked surprised as he nodded. “That’s impressive you two. Sounds like fun.”

“What’s exactly is a movie?” Coran asked curiously. 

“I was wondering the same thing,” said Allura.

Pidge adjusted their glasses. “It’s like a play that’s been captured in video form to be watched whenever you feel like it.”

“Sound exciting,” Allura said clasping her hands together and looking intrigued. 

“Then it’s decided! Movie night after dinner!” Hunk declared. 

Everyone burst into excited chatter. Lance felt a burst of happiness. Ever since last night things had been looking up following that embarrassing outburst at lunch yesterday. Hopefully things could stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll have the next chapter up soon! BTW I'm using lyrics from Sweater Weather too now. I didn't want to run out of lyrics from Wires so from now on the chapter titles will be a mix of lyrics between the two songs.


	12. Let Me Hold Both Your Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I'm updating two days in a row. Mostly because the last chapter was so brief. Have some bonding with Keith and Shiro. Next chapter will finally have Allura and Lance sit down together.

After breakfast Keith struggled between wanting to spend time with Lance and wanting to train. He wasn’t sure what Lance had planned but he wondered if he could solve his debate by having Lance train with him, even for just a little while. Before Lance could get up out of his seat Keith put a gentle hand on his arm.

“Hey Lance I know it’s early but would you possibly like to train with me?” he asked.

Lance looked amused. “Sure why not? I’m used to training this time of day anyways.”

Keith tried not to look too excited. They stood and cleaned up their bowls before heading to the training deck together. Keith stripped himself of his jacket leaving him in a plain black t-shirt. Lance hesitated for a moment before taking off his jacket as well. 

Keith tried not to react at the sight of his arms. He could see where the Galra hands ended just after the wrist. For how messy the eye surgery appeared he’d expected the hands to be the same but they connected pretty smoothly to the skin of Lance’s arms. There were other scars, cuts and even what looked like whip marks, marring the flesh. Keith swallowed and looked away. 

“What do you say we do some hand to hand combat training with each other for now?” he asked.

Lance shrugged. “Sure I’ll try not to hurt you.”

Keith couldn’t help a huge grin spread across his face. That sounded like something the old Lance would say. He was overjoyed to hear something taunting like that come out of Lance’s mouth. He bent his knees and got into a fighting stance.

“Let’s see you try.”

They ran at each other without further ado. Lance’s eyes grew wider the closer they got. His moves were quick and precise as he snagged Keith around the middle with strength that shocked the red paladin and slammed him to the ground, straddling and kneeling over him. His thumbs seemed to automatically go for Keith’s eyes. His face was crazed and his eyes distant like he wasn’t fully present.

Keith quickly gripped Lance’s metal hands in his to stop his eyes from being gouged out. “Lance snap out of it!”

Keith had to admit that he was scared. Lance hadn’t looked like he was going to stop but he did. He sat back, still straddling Keith and stared at his hands with horror. His breaths started to come in short pants. Keith didn’t know what to do. He gripped Lance’s hands more firmly and gave them a squeeze.

“Are you with me Lance? Are you ok?” he asked.

Lance didn’t reply. He was breathing much too fast. Within seconds he was full blown hyperventilating. Keith was frantic. He sat up, pulling himself from the ground and pulled Lance’s hands forward to bring him close.

“Hey Lance. Hey buddy, breathe with me. Come on breathe in slowly ok?”

Lance didn’t seem to know how to do what Keith was asking of him. He started to cry, sobs coming with each panicked breath in and out. He was squeezing Keith’s hands so hard that it hurt. Keith knew he had to do something or Lance was going to pass out. 

He brought Lance’s hands to press palms against his chest. “Come on breathe with the heartbeats Lance. Ready? Inhale for five heartbeats through your nose. Count with me Lance. One, two, three, four, five. Now hold that for seven heartbeats. Now exhale through your mouth for nine heartbeats. There we go. You can do this.”

Lance followed along. They did the breathing exercise several times before Lance seemed to calm. He took several deep breaths in and then swallowed hard, avoiding eye contact.

“How did you know how to do that?” Lance asked quietly as he pulled his hand from Keith’s chest. 

Lance looked shaky. His voice was weak. Keith couldn't even being to imagine how he must be feeling after going through something so scary. 

“I learned it from Shiro. He does it sometimes to calm himself down during a panic attack. It looked like that was what was going on with you too so I thought it might work,” he explained.

Lance sniffled, wiping at the snot and tears that wet his face with his arm. “Sorry, I don’t even know what came over me. You were charging at me and I just saw that Galra guard. I pushed my thumbs into his eyes so hard his skull cracked. I did that to someone Keith. And it felt good.”

He started to cry again. His legs were still around Keith’s waist and his was basically sitting in Keith’s lap so it was easy for Keith to slowly wrap his arms around his shaking body and pull him close. He rubbed his back in slow soothing circles.

“You went through a lot there. I’m pretty sure that guard wasn’t innocent,” Keith said.

Lance shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Who enjoys something like that? I’m a monster. I’m just as bad as them.”

“Hey!” Keith’s voice was sharp and furious. “You are NOT like them. I bashed Lotor’s face in so hard I knocked teeth out and broke his nose. Does that make me a monster?”

“N-no,” Lance sobbed. “You were protecting me.”

“Exactly. And you were protecting yourself when you attacked that guard. He had probably watched as all sorts of fucked up stuff happened to you and he was a personification of all the shit you went through. Not only that but we’re at war and he was an enemy soldier who helped keep you imprisoned. Desperate times can bring out the worst in us. But I know you Lance. I know you’re a good person and you don’t normally like violence. You went through a lot but you’re not a monster. They’re the monsters,” Keith ranted. “You would never do the stuff they did to you to someone else right?”

“Right,” Lance sniffled. “Thank you Keith. For someone who claims not to be good with emotions you seem to do a good job of helping me with mine.”

Keith couldn’t help but flush a little at that. “I’m just saying what I’m thinking,” he mumbled. “Do you want to go back to your room?”

Lance shook his head and pulled back from where he’d dampened Keith shirt. “I kind of want to shoot something now. I think I’ll stick to that kind of training for now. Anything more is likely to send me into another panic attack.”

Keith nodded. “Ok, if you’re sure. You don’t have to push yourself.”

Lance took a deep breath looking determined. “No I want to do this. I think shooting something will help. I really do.”

“Ok then, I’ll call out the training bots for me and leave you to it. Just let me know if you need something,” Keith said.

Lance nodded and the two of them untangled their limbs from one another and went their separate ways.

\-------------------------------------------

Lance was embarrassed. He couldn’t believe that he’d broken down like that in front of Keith. Keith hadn’t even touched him but something in him had just snapped at the sight of him rushing towards him. Lance hadn’t had time to think, he’d just reacted. And then he panicked. It had been just like being on top of that guard, pushing his thumbs into his eyes as blood gushed around them. For a moment he'd really believed he was back there, had believed that Keith was that Galra soldier.

After training for a while they’d both split off to go shower. Lance sat in his room afterwards to think. Keith didn’t seem to judge him outwardly but Lance worried about what he really though. He worried that Keith saw him as weak and pathetic and a cry baby. Keith kept seeing him cry. Lance couldn’t seem to stop crying lately honestly.

A knock on the door interrupted his worrying. Lance stood up and pushed the button to open the door. Shiro was standing there looking worried. Lance hesitated, unsure of why he was here, before inviting him in. The two of them took a seat on his bed.

“Hey Lance sorry to barge in like this. Keith told me that you had a panic attack during training,” Shiro said gently.

Lance looked away in shame. He couldn’t believe Keith had gone and told Shiro. How mortifying was that? Why would Keith do that?

“He’s just worried about you,” Shiro said like he could read Lance’s mind. “He said he tried a technique he’d seen me do before but he wasn’t really sure what he was doing. He knew that I’ve been through a lot of panic attacks so he asked me to talk to you about it.”

“I don’t know what there is to talk about,” Lance muttered.

“I can talk to you about how I cope with them. It might not work the exact same for you as it does for me but it could help,” Shiro replied. “You don’t have to be embarrassed Lance. I’ve been there. I still have panic attacks now. I don’t know if they’ll ever go away to be honest. But I’ve learned how to live with them and you can to.”

Lance looked up and met Shiro’s eyes for the first time since he’d entered the room. “Do you think so?”

“I know so,” Shiro said kindly. 

They spent the next couple of hours talking about ways that Shiro coped with anxiety and PTSD and the panic attacks that often came with both of those things. Lance learned a lot and was honestly surprised to learn just how much Shiro dealt with on a daily basis. He never realized it because Shiro was so good at portraying an unwavering leader in front of the team. Keith was probably the only one who really fully knew what went on behind closed doors. Allura probably did too now that she and Shiro spent so much of their free time together.

Shiro assured Lance several times that this didn’t make him weak. He wasn’t sure why but it was a persistent fear that he had. That not only his enemies but his friends and teammates would see him as lesser for this.

“Do you think less of me?” Shiro asked. “Knowing that I go through this?”

Lance was quick to shake his head. “Of course not.”

“Well that’s how the others think of you,” Shiro said. “None of us would ever judge you for this. Not only that but we know you’ve been through a lot and we have nothing but love for you and the desire to help you cope with what has happened to you.”

Shiro was basically the best space dad ever. He helped calm a lot of the fears Lance had. He taught him different breathing exercises and coping mechanisms to help with the panic that sometimes threatened to consume him. He assured him that it wasn’t his fault if he panicked even with nothing to trigger it because sometimes thoughts alone were enough to trigger a panic attack. 

The talk helped a lot. Lance no longer felt as ashamed after talking about it for a couple of hours. Shiro had a soothing way of making things feel more manageable. When they were finished talking Shiro gave him a hug and left him to think about everything they had discussed.

The rest of the day went by fast. Before he knew it dinner was finishing up and they were preparing for the movie night Hunk had promised. Lance felt less awkward than he would have thought seeing Keith after the breakdown he’d had that morning. The talk with Shiro was definitely to blame for that. It was nice to be able to smile back and not start internally panicking that Keith thought he was pathetic. That was more of just a niggling thought in the back of his mind that he quickly stomped out.

The projector room was decently sized and Pidge and Hunk had drug in a couple of couches and blankets. Hunk had found an alien food that was sort of like a mix of cotton candy and marshmallows and brought out a few bowls for them to share. 

They all piled onto the couches. Lance was between Pidge and Keith. Keith stretched his arm along the back of the couch over Lance’s shoulders. Nobody said anything but he thought he saw Pidge and Hunk exchanging money and narrowed his eyes at them suspiciously. 

Pidge had a pretty wide variety of movies but they all decided that their lives needed something happy so they put on a Disney movie. They decided to go old school with the choice of Lion King. 

Once upon a time Lance would have screamed the words along with all of the songs but now he just hummed a little and settled into the warmth of Keith’s body next to him as he swatted at Pidge’s hands to keep them from eating all of the cotton candy marshmallows. Their greedy little hands were sneaky though and twenty minutes into the movie their bowl was almost empty. 

By the end of the movie Lance was fully cuddled into Keith’s side. Pidge was asleep with their head in Lance’s lap and snoring loudly. Hunk was happily finishing off the last bowl of treats. Allura and Coran were energetically discussing the movie and Shiro was watching Allura lovingly. 

Lance didn’t want to move. He felt safe here surrounded by his friends with Keith’s arm around him. He felt like he could fall asleep, just like Pidge. He looked up at Keith who smiled and gave his shoulders a squeeze, and put his face on his chest. Keith rested his chin on top of Lance’s head and the blue paladin let himself drift off to sleep feeling warm and protected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
> 
> If only.  
> Unfortunately Lotor's still out there and will be making another appearance in their lives. Not for a while yet but it will be happening eventually. He's possessive and sadly he's not just going to forget about Lance.


	13. One Love, Two Mouths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter turned out nothing like I planned it to. Enjoy!

Lance was starting to get used to waking up in weird places. First Pidge’s bed, then the star map room, and now the couch in the projector room. Keith, Pidge, and Hunk were all there still too. Hunk was lucky and had a whole couch to himself. Lance had fallen asleep propped up against Keith. Pidge still had their head in his lap.

Keith was already awake. He smiled at Lance when he looked up at him. Lance flushed bright red, a nervous excitement squirming around in his chest at the realization that he’d slept next to Keith for two nights in a row and Keith seemed to have no problem with that. Not too long ago he’d thought Keith hated him and now they were cuddling and getting a lot closer than Lance had ever dared hope. 

“How long have you been awake?” Lance whispered.

“About an hour or so,” Keith murmured back.

Lance looked at him in surprise. “Why didn’t you move me?”

Keith looked mildly embarrassed. “You looked peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Lance felt butterflies in his stomach at that. God he had it bad for Keith. He wanted to believe something could come out of this but a sick feeling deep down inside of him told him that he was never going to be able to make it work. He was too broken for that. It didn’t matter how many times Hunk told him he was amazing or Shiro assured him that he could find ways to cope. When it all came down to it he couldn’t really function like a normal human being. He was ruined.

Lance scowled a little at the dark path his thoughts had abruptly decided to take. He was doing his best not to think that way but sometimes it was impossible not to.

“Are you ok?” Keith asked softly.

Lance forced his mouth back into a smile. “I’m fine. Think Pidge made my leg fall asleep though. Would it be mean to move them? I know they need the rest.”

“I think it’s late enough that we should all be getting up soon anyways,” Keith said with a small shrug.

Lance gently nudged his leg out from underneath Pidge’s head. It fell to the couch without much fuss and Pidge continued to sleep on. Lance counted that as a victory. He eased himself from Keith’s arms and stood before reaching out a hand to pull him up as well. The two turned to leave and of course Lance had to trip over the open laptop on the floor, stubbing his toe hard.

“Fuck!” he yelped.

Pidge’s snores cut off as they blearily lifted their head. Hunk yawned and opened his eyes sleepily. Lance cursed more quietly to himself as he tried to shake off the pain.

“Sorry guys, didn’t mean to wake you up,” he said guiltily. 

Hunk yawned again. “It’s alright buddy I need to get started on breakfast anyways.”

“I’ll help,” Lance offered.

Hunk sat up and stretched. “Sure why not?”

Pidge sat up as well. “I should be working on some things. I didn’t expect to sleep so long.”

Hunk laughed. “Pidge that was a normal night’s rest, something you should get more often.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” Pidge said, deadpan. 

They all rolled their eyes. Lance put out a hand to help Hunk up off the couch. He got to his feet, rubbing sleepy from his eyes as he did so. Hunk and Lance headed to the kitchen while Pidge and Keith split off, likely going to their own rooms. 

Hunk pulled out a couple of aprons and handed one to Lance. “Thanks for the help man. I’ve still got some alien food left so we can try actually cooking instead of just food goo. I think I finally have all the right stuff to make something resembling muffins so I was going to try that today.”

Lance figured he could probably handle nibbling at one muffin for breakfast. It actually sounded pretty good. He tied on his apron and got ready to help out. Hunk followed suit, tying on his own apron.

The two of them chatted as they baked. They talked about the different alien foods Hunk had managed to gather and experiment with in their time in space. They reminisced about old memories of things that had happened at the Garrison and earlier at school and during their childhood. Before long the muffin-like creations were done and Hunk was calling everyone to breakfast while Lance got the food onto plates and moved to the table. 

Everyone trickled in one by one and sat down. Pidge was the last one in, looking a bit disgruntled to already have their work interrupted so soon after they’d started. Once everyone was seated they dug into the food. Most of them took several muffins but Lance stuck with nibbling at one.

“Lance,” Allura said a few minutes into breakfast. “I’d like to speak with you when we’re finished eating.”

He looked up at her in surprise. “Ok? Is something wrong Princess?”

Allura shook her head. “Not really. I’d just like to discuss some things with you.”

“Of course,” he agreed. 

“Ooh Lance is trouble,” Pidge teased.

Shiro shot them a look and they quieted down, giggling a little. It was stupid but Lance felt a niggling of fear at that statement. He immediately started replaying everything that had happened the last few days that might cause the Princess to feel the need to speak with him directly. Maybe it was about his breakdown when he’d screamed at them all (well mostly Shiro) and broken the table and a bowl. He tried not to panic but internally he was a bit of a mess as he went back to nibbling at his muffin-like breakfast.

Once the meal was finished Allura motioned for Lance to follow her. They ended up in the conference rooms, seated in stiff back chairs around a table. The professional setting brought back a trickle of his earlier anxiety. He waited nervously for Allura to speak.

“How are you?” she asked.

He stared at her in confusion. “How… am I?”

She held her head high and looked at him straight in the eye. “Yes, how are you doing Lance?”

“I’m… ok I guess? I dunno. I’m getting by,” he said cautiously.

“That is good to hear.”

There was a tense silence. Allura continued to stare at Lance like she was waiting for him to say something. He wasn’t really sure what she wanted from him.

“Was there a reason you wanted to talk to me?” he asked finally.

“I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” she said. “Shiro says he speaks to you about things. I wanted to speak to you about those things as well.”

Lance shook his head a little. “I don’t know which specific things you’re talking about? Shiro gives me advice on, like, anxiety and panic attacks and stuff.”

“Do those require… medical assistance?” Allura asked slowly as if trying to understand.

“Not anything that can be found in space,” Lance replied. “Right now it’s more trying to cope with things on my own. Talking to Shiro helps.”

“I’m sorry Lance. I don’t have much experience with these things. I know Coran has training for these matters of the mind but it’s nothing I’ve really encountered in my own life. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Lance smiled a little. Allura was a bit stiff and formal but she was trying in her own way to show that she cared about his mental well-being. It was nice.

“It’s good to know you care Princess,” he said sincerely.

Allura narrowed her eyes. “You would usually turn something like that into a pick-up line. You are different as Shiro says you are.”

Lance swallowed. He didn’t like to think of Shiro discussing him with Allura behind his back. He knew that the two of them were close and Shiro needed someone to talk to as well though. With how awkward Allura was being he wondered how well those conversations actually went.

Allura seemed to notice him stiffen up. “I apologize if I misspoke. Shiro deals with a lot of these issues as well. I am trying to learn more to help him but it’s all very new to me. I would like to learn to help you as well.”

“Thank you,” Lance said in surprise. “It’s good to know that you care.”

Allura looked a bit affronted. “Of course I care! You’re one of my paladins and I’d like to think that you are my friend as well.”

Lance smiled. “I’d like to think we’re friends too. You’re concern means a lot to me. Seriously. It was nice of you to ask how I’m doing.”

Allura nodded and Lance noticed the uncertainty in her eyes. “My father was good with speaking to others. I am still learning. I hope to be as good of a leader as he was someday. I know I am not as close to you as the other Paladins but my door is always open if you need to speak about anything that is on your mind. I can guess at some of the things Lotor did and it makes me terrified for you. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now. If you don't feel comfortable enough speaking with me then at least keep talking with Shiro, he's quite good at comforting others from my experience.”

“Thank you Princess. I’ll keep that in mind,” Lance said.

He got to his feet and Allura caught his sleeve as he passed, bringing him to a stop. “Would you ask Shiro to meet me in my room? He’s probably still in the dining area.”

“Sure, I’ll let him know,” he agreed.

“Thank you Lance.” She smiled and let him go.

Shiro was indeed still in the dining room, helping Hunk clean up. Lance passed along Allura’s message and he thanked him with a smile. Lance was unsure what to do with himself next. He wanted to talk to Keith but the red paladin had disappeared somewhere, probably training. Lance was used to training after breakfast so he figured he might as well keep up the routine and head to the training room as per usual.

Keith was sparring with a bot when Lance stepped onto the training deck. He took a minute to pause and admire him. His violet eyes were so dark they almost looked black as they darted from side to side, catching the moves of the robot he was fighting and reacting with lightning instincts to block. His movements were smooth and practiced; it was obvious how comfortable he was with his sword in each swing that he gave. Lance couldn’t help but admire the muscles of his arms and back beneath his black t-shirt. 

After a moment or two Keith spotted him watching and ended the training sequence. He trotted over, looking barely even winded from the intense fighting he’d just been doing. Lance knew that Keith was an amazing fighter but in that moment it hit him just how strong he was. 

“Like what you see?” Keith teased.

“What if I said yes?”

There was a moment of silence. Keith looked shocked and Lance felt a nervous burst of fear in his chest. He swallowed hard, frantically trying to think of a comeback if Keith turned him down flat which, to be honest, was what he was expecting to happen.

“Well you’re free to keep watching,” Keith finally said, voice soft as he stepped closer.

Lance stared with wide eyes. His mind was unhelpfully coming up blank. His mouth moved soundlessly as he tried to find a response. For once in his life he was at loss for words.

“I… I don’t... I mean,” he stuttered.

Keith took another step closer. He reached out to take Lance’s hand in his. Lance floundered, trying to make sense of the unexpected turn the situation had taken.

Keith’s expression was fierce as he slowly leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Lance’s. Lance froze. Keith's mouth was dry and warm and firm against his own. Lance's heartbeat was so loud it drowned out everything else. His eyes stayed wide open in surprise. Keith didn’t close his either so they were left awkwardly staring at each other as Keith pulled back looking worried.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know… I thought… did I misread the signs?” Keith asked uncomfortably. 

“No!” Lance blurted out. “I just didn’t expect that, here and now of all places. I didn’t think you felt that way. You shouldn’t feel that way. I mean I like you, a lot. I’m just not sure if I’m good enough. You’re so strong and determined and good at everything and I’m just me. I’m so fucking broken. I’m weak and sad and sometimes I wish I were dead and I don’t know how to deal with that, I don’t want to make you deal with that.”

“Lance,” Keith looked so sad that it hurt Lance’s heart. “I love you. I think I’ve loved you for a long time. And I didn’t know how to express that before. If this isn’t a good time for you I understand. I know you’re going through a lot. But you are good enough. You’ll never be anything less than good enough. I care about you and I like being with you and holding your hands and waking up next to you in the morning. I want to be by your side if you’ll have me.”

To his mortification Lance felt hot tears slipping down his left cheek. He and Keith stared at each other, neither really knowing what to say further. Lance struggled to collect his thoughts. He was in shock that this was actually happening, that a teasing line had turned into this confession of feelings that Lance had never even suspect Keith of harboring.

“I love you too,” he finally said. “And if you can put up with all the bullshit that comes with me then I want you. To be with me that is. I want to be with you.”

Keith smiled more widely and brightly than Lance had ever seen him smile before. His whole face lit up with the brilliance of it. He let out a laugh and squeezed Lance’s hand tight.

“We should celebrate or something. That’s what couples do right? When they get together?” Keith looked flustered and a little out of his depth but undeniably happy.

Lance wondered if this might actually work. “We could have Hunk make us some space tea and go drink it in the star map room and just like cuddle and stuff.”

Keith tried to pick Lance up and spin him around and Lance immediately stiffened and shook his head. The red paladin quickly let go looking contrite. 

“Sorry that was probably a little much,” he said.

Lance nodded slowly. “I’m sorry Keith just, a little at a time please?”

Keith smiled again. “That’s fine! Whatever pace you need.”

They left the training deck holding hands. Keith was happier than Lance had ever remembered seeing him but he still found himself wrestling with the self-doubt that was souring his own happiness. This felt too good to be true. There was no way that it could last. Lance didn’t get to have this kind of happy ending. He knew this to be true deep down in his soul. Something was bound to go wrong. There wouldn’t be a happily ever after for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup that just happened. So much for slow burn right? But his chapter just sort of wrote itself. I didn't even plan this out. I think I'm happy with it though. Just don't expect their relationship to be rainbows and butterflies the whole time. I don't think Lance is necessarily ready to be in a relationship. But he's kind of caught up in the moment and his crush on Keith... Anyways you'll see more as the story goes on.
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked this chapter. I appreciate each one of you!


	14. What I Think About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I GOT FANART! :D Seriously it makes me super happy that someone would draw fanart for my story. Thanks a million times to TheMistress. Here's a link if you guys want to check it out: https://thelastwatson.tumblr.com/post/168378815972/slightly-improved-the-hand-needed-a-little-more
> 
> Sorry this chapter took longer than my previous updates. I started a new job and my time has been pretty consumed by it. New chapters may take a week or two now rather than every couple of days. Thank you so much to those who keep up with each chapter. You honestly make my day when I see your comments and kudos. :)
> 
> No Lotor yet this chapter. It's pure Klance with a little bit of Shiro being a supportive space dad at the beginning.

Lance had thought that things would be different now that he and Keith were together but they stayed surprisingly the same. Keith would hold his hand sometimes. Occasionally when they got together for movie night he’d put his arm around him. They didn’t try kissing again. Lance wasn’t sure if Keith was scared or uncomfortable to or if he was holding back for Lance’s sake. The anxiety eating away at Lance kept him from going for a kiss himself. Things were at a standstill.

Weeks went by. Lance saw Coran every seven days like he’d promised. He talked to Shiro, Hunk, Keith, and even Pidge and Allura. There was no sign of the Galra. The longer they went without seeing them the more on edge everyone seemed to get. Pidge was getting frantic in their search for how they’d been tracked the last time. 

Lance was most anxious of them all. He knew Lotor would come for him. He could feel down to his bones with an unmovable certainty. A few weeks in and he was having panic attacks nearly everyday. The building worry refused to back down. Lotor was coming and Lance was utterly helpless to stop him. 

Blue helped Lance practice with flying her again. Keith would get in Red and the two of them would go out and do pilot drills together. He was starting to get more comfortable but he couldn’t quiet the fear he got every time he thought about facing an actual Galra head on. Sometimes it felt like he wasn’t making any progress at all.

Keith was unendingly patient with him. That surprised Lance. Keith had always been the impatient one. All fire and guts and glory, rushing out into battle without a second thought, being reckless and brave. He seemed to be able to push that all aside for Lance though. He was gentle and sweet and sometimes they bickered but there was almost always a playful edge to their words. 

Today marked four weeks from the time Lance was saved. An entire month of being out of the Galra’s hands. Lance didn’t feel like celebrating. He’d wanted to be better by now but he felt almost the exact same as when they’d first rescued him. It was frustrating. He couldn’t sleep. Keith didn’t always sleep next to him but the few times he did Lance slept better. The anxiety chewing a hole in his chest kept him from asking Keith to stay more often. It questioned whether Keith was still interested in him at all.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Shiro sat down next to Lance where he had stolen away in the projector room to make use of the comfortable couches. 

Lance jumped a little. “Oh hey Shiro. Just worrying about Lotor I guess.”

“You do that a lot,” Shiro said, “but this seems like something more. What’s on your mind?”

After a moment of silence Lance gave in to honesty. “Keith.”

“What did he do this time?” Shiro asked with a small smile.

“It’s not anything he’s done. I’m just confused and scared. I don’t know how to progress our relationship. It’s like he’s scared to kiss me or hug me or sleep next to me. I know I scare easily but it’s different with Keith. I’m comfortable around him. We’ve been in each other’s space enough for me to recognize him when he’s touching me. He doesn’t have to be careful but he is. He treats me like glass and it’s frustrating. I’m worried he’s not interested anymore. I don’t know what to do,” Lance blurted out.

Shiro looked thoughtful. “Have you shared these worries with Keith?”

Lance sighed. “You know I haven’t Shiro.”

“I figured but I thought I’d ask,” he said. “I know this will be hard for you to do but I think you need to say exactly what you just said to me to him.”

Lance stared at his hands in silence. Shiro was right. Shiro was pretty much always right. That didn’t make this any easier though. The thought of actually bringing this up with Keith made panic swell up in his chest. His heart fluttered like a panicked bird against his ribcage. 

“You can do it Lance. Keith cares about you. I’ve haven’t seen him care so openly about someone in a really long time. You mean a lot to him and he’ll listen to what you have to say. You’ve just got to actually say it,” Shiro assured him.

Lance nodded slowly. “You’re right. Could you get him for me? I don’t think I’ll keep up the nerve to say any of that to him if I put it off.”

Shiro smiled. “Of course. He’s talking to Allura right now. I’ll go tell him you want to talk to him.”

Lance waited nervously for Keith, fidgeting his Galra tech hands in his lap. He knew what he had to say. If he wanted things to change he had to initiate that change. He hated how much anxiety ate him alive now over everything. 

“Hey Lance, Shiro said you wanted to talk?” 

Lance looked up. Keith was standing in the doorway. He moved to sit on the couch next to the blue paladin. There was a good foot of space between them. Lance dropped his eyes back down to his hands. He felt like that was a pretty strong symbol for their relationship. So close together but still an arm’s length away. 

“Shiro said I should talk to you,” he admitted. “About my feelings and stuff.”

He awkwardly looked back up at Keith’s face. He looked worried. He probably thought something was seriously wrong when it was just Lance being stupid and oversensitive about everything.

“What feelings?” Keith finally asked when he didn’t continue.

“I’m… confused. I feel like our relationship hasn’t really progressed from before we were together to now. I miss you when you don’t sleep next to me. And you rarely do anymore. You don’t really touch me and you haven’t tried to kiss me and I feel like you don’t want me. I don’t want you to mess with my head like this if you aren’t actually interested in me anymore. If that’s the case please just say something,” Lance pleaded. 

Keith looked confused and heartbreakingly sad. “I was just trying to respect your boundaries. I’ve seen the way you flinch away from touches. Even Shiro’s typical hand on the shoulder makes you jump. I never see Hunk hug you anymore. I’m not that good at reading people I guess but it seemed to me like you aren’t fond of being touched. I can guess why but I thought that would be something you weren’t ready to talk about so I haven’t brought it up.”

Lance felt a wave of shame for being so hard on Keith. He was obviously trying his best to be what Lance needed. He already had a hard time with people and here Lance was expecting him to read his mind.

“I’m sorry,” Lance said quietly. “I have a hard time talking to you like this about things. It’s just hard to know when to bring it up or how to do so.”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m doing either. This is the first time I’ve been in a relationship. It’s the first time I’ve tried being open to someone other than Shiro. Like I said, I’m not good at reading people so sometimes you’re going to have to spell things out for me or I just won’t get it.”

Lance took a deep breath. “You’re right. I don’t like being touched. Lotor did things to me that I’m still not really ready to talk to you about. Shiro knows a bit and Hunk’s probably guessed but the details are not something I want to relive. Maybe someday I’ll be ready to tell you but not right now. 

You’re different though. We’re around each other, in each other’s space so often. I’m so familiar with how you smell and feel and the sound of your footsteps. I recognize it’s you when you touch me. It’s not as starling for me when it’s you, especially when I can see you. I’m not ready to… you know… have sex,” at this Lance turned bright red but pushed on through his embarrassment, “You might have to wait a really long time until I’m ready for that. But I want to sleep next to you. I want to be near you.”

“Are you ok to like cuddle and shit?” Keith asked awkwardly.

Lance laughed a little. “Ya cuddling would be fine I think. If you come in slowly and make sure I’m aware of who you are and what you’re doing then I think kissing would be fine sometimes too. In fact, I’d like that a lot.”

They were both flushed red now, trying their best to get through the conversation. Keith nudged himself a little closer to Lance, closing the space between them slowly. He looked nervous but eager as he licked his lips before speaking.

“Do you think I could kiss you right now? I mean if that’s ok, if it’s something you want?” 

Lance couldn’t help but smile at how adorable he was being. “Ya. I’d like that.”

They leaned in at the same time. When their lips met Keith closed his eyes this time but Lance couldn’t help but keep his opened. It helped ground him, helped remind him of where he was and who he was with and that this was ok, it was good, amazing even. His robotic eye was as alert as ever, watching Keith’s face, drinking in the details. Their mouths moved together gently and Lance couldn’t help but bring up a metal hand to cup Keith’s face. There was tenderness in the movements that he’d never really experienced in a kiss before and it warmed his heart. There was no impatience or sexual intent, just love and sweetness and everything his poor anxious heart needed in that moment.

When they pulled apart Lance watched Keith’s eyes flutter open. He was so beautiful that he couldn’t help but press one more short kiss to his mouth. Keith looked a bit startled but his lips curved into a smile and he leaned into Lance, bringing a comfortable warmth with him. Things weren’t perfect but they felt better than they had in a while. Lance was happy with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anything feels weird. This chapter was written over a period of several days rather than in one sitting like many of the previous chapters. Hopefully it still flows well. I know things have been kind of slow. I've just really needed some fluffy sweetness in my life lately, thus the last few chapters. More stuff besides just Klance fluff will happen next chapter though. 
> 
> I'm hoping you guys aren't bored with where this is going. It's turning out a bit differently than I had originally expected. I'm glad there are still readers around enjoying it! Makes me really happy :)


	15. You Knew the Game and Played It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing fighting scenes but I don't even care tbh Hope y'all enjoy this anyway.
> 
> Shout out to Baylee whose comment from chapter one inspired me to give a little bit of Lotor's POV

Lotor was furious. His broken arm had taken a quintant to heal under the druid’s magic. His face was harder. They’d had to replace his missing teeth and reset the broken nose. It hadn’t been a very pleasant experience. 

The worst thing, more than the pain that little galra/human bastard had inflicted, more than the humiliation of it all was losing his pet. He’d come to care for his play thing in a most possessive kind of way. He’d been the one to shape it, create it into the perfectly docile slave. It had taken so much work to get it to obey just the way it should. Then those assholes had to come swooping down with their castle ship and giant cat robots and ruined everything. All of that hard work was likely being unraveled over the last pheob.

He knew that despite the effort that was probably being dedicated to breaking down all of the conditioning he’d put Lance through there were some things that were likely to stick. He just needed to see his pet again. If he could get in the same room as him for a few moments he was sure he could twist his precious blue paladin back into his grasp. 

Using special technology that Lotor had been keeping under wraps it hadn’t been too hard to trace the wormhole that the castle ship had gone through after the big battle where Zarkon had been severely wounded. Lotor’s team had been there quickly, already prepared for the possibility that he would need to step up to the throne. With the successful rescue mission for the blue paladin Lotor had been too physically damaged to give out orders for a few quintants and his team knew better than to act without orders. Normally that would have been a good thing but now they’d missed the advantage that they’d had last time and were unable to trace the wormhole the castle-ship had used.

This time around the druids were attempting to track Voltron through Lance. They’d worked their magic on him enough to have an imprint of him that they could trace. This was taking a lot longer than Lotor would have liked but they were making progress. It had already been a phoebe and he was growing impatient but the time of arrival was almost upon them. In fact, the druids had just assured him they should be upon them within a few vargas. He certainly hoped that they were right. He was getting impatient without his pet around to vent out his frustrations on. 

Soon he would have his little blue paladin back under his control. Soon his pet would be returned to his rightful place at Lotor’s feet and all would be right in the universe. Lotor wouldn’t rest until this happened. He would defeat Voltron just to get his pet back if that’s what it took. Lance would be his again.

\--------------------------------------------

Lance felt extremely uneasy. His anxiety had been high lately at the thought of Lotor attacking but the last day or so it had worsened. He could feel Lotor’s evil heading straight for them. A sickening certainty rested heavy in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t sure how he knew but he did. Lotor would be upon them soon.

The others tried their best to soothe him to no avail. Even wrapped up in Keith’s arms he was overwhelmed by terror. He wasn’t ready to face Lotor again. Not this soon after he’d escaped. He would fight with everything he had to resist being taken by the Galra again. He’d die before he let himself get captured.

He was lying in bed with Keith when the alarms went off. It was lights out time and after the talk they’d had Keith had taken to sleeping with him every night, ensuring he felt safe and was thus able to sleep better. They were curled up together under the blankets. Lance was the big spoon, holding Keith close like a teddy bear, a face full of soft black hair with legs intertwined. Both of them were on the verge of sleep when the lights started flashing and Allura’s panicked voice was coming through the announcement system.

They both tried to leap out of bed at the same time, legs tangling together and sending them sprawling. Keith was first to recover, helping Lance up and tugging him over to their gear. Lance pulled on his paladin armor with shaking hands. He felt a small bit of comfort having Keith by his side, pulling on his own, going through the same motions. When they’d both straightened up, bayards in hand, they ran down the hallways together to get to the control room. Shiro, Allura, and Coran were already there and Pidge and Hunk were pretty quick to enter soon after. 

“Lotor’s ship is coming up on us,” Shiro announced uneasily. 

Everyone’s eyes darted over to Lance. He took a few deep calming breaths. He’d known that this was going to happen. He’d been preparing for it. Honestly now that it was happening the fear wasn’t quite as bad as the last few days of anticipation. He was scared of course but more than anything he was determined. He wanted Lotor gone and he was going to make sure it happened. 

“I’m ok guys. I’m ready to take him down,” he assured them.

Nobody looked particularly convinced but they seemed to realize that they were all staring and quickly turned back to Shiro to await further instruction. Keith reached out to give Lance’s hand a squeeze and he gripped it hard to keep their hands intertwined. He found comfort in the press of their palms together, skin against metal. Felt more stable with the lacing of their fingers. Despite the terror at the thought of facing Lotor there was warmth in his chest when his robotic eye turned to the side with a range of motion that his human one certainly didn’t have and focused on Keith, taking in his serious but beautiful profile. His heart ached with a love he would do anything to protect and keep safe.

“We could wormhole away but Pidge suspect that they have a way of tracing that now so we have decided that our best course of action will be to stand and fight back,” Allura said. “Get to your lions paladins. You will likely need to form Voltron to win this battle.”

Lance was startled when Keith gave him a quick kiss in front of everyone. It was short but emotional. When he pulled back Keith put a hand on each of Lance’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

“You can do this Lance. You aren’t alone. We’ll be there with you. Your team has your back. I have your back. I would die before I let Lotor get his filthy hands on you again. I want you to know that.”

Lance covered Keith’s hands with his own momentarily and squeezed. “I trust you.”

The others looked away to give them a semblance of privacy as they hugged one last time. When they pulled apart Shiro’s comforting hand went to his shoulder as well with a firm, steady grip accompanied by a kind smile.

“Keith’s right. We’re all here for you. We’ll make sure we’re extra careful about watching your back this time,” he said.

“Thank you,” Lance said. “I know you guys will help me do this. I really do think I’m ready.”

They all headed to their lions simultaneously. Blue purred a greeting when Lance slid into the pilot seat and gripped the controls. He sent her a wave of determination and she answered it with one of her own. They were both prepared to finally end this. 

The fleet was already within shooting range by the time the lions left the castle. They hadn’t started firing yet but Lance knew the moment they made a move they would descend upon them. The lions hovered in front of the castle ship, debating on the best course of action.

“I think we should form Voltron now while we can,” Shiro suggested. “We can take out as many of the ships as possible to start. If we need to split up later on then we can form a plan from there.”

They all agreed and pulled into formation. The bond between them was strong and it didn’t take very long to form Voltron. The moment they started to move together though the Galra fleet started to fire. As soon as Voltron was completed the paladins leapt into action. There were ships coming at them from every side but all of the paladins were firing and fighting and doing everything in their power to push those ships back. There seemed to be a focus on trying to split them apart. Lance was pretty sure Lotor wanted to separate him again but with them forming Voltron right away that wasn’t really an option. 

The giant canon that had taken Blue out last time trained itself onto Voltron. Lance was first to notice and started to shout out a warning to the others but was too late. There was a surge of energy as the beam hit the center of Voltron’s chest. All of the paladins cried out at the shock and the pain they could feel through their connection to their lions. The incredible force of the blast forced the lions to separate. Lance felt a wave a panic start to overwhelm him. Fighting as part of Voltron was one thing. Fighting alone in Blue was terrifying. 

The small fighter ships surged forward, pushing at Lance from all sides. He couldn’t breathe. His chest ached with each labored breath as he pulled and pushed furiously at Blue’s controls. It was just like last time. They were singling Lance out, urging him away from the rest of them.

Yellow barreled out of nowhere, taking out an entire line of fighters. Lance froze in shock. He wasn’t alone. His team was still here. They still had his back. They could do this.

“You alright Lance?” Hunk called frantically through the comms.

“Better now. Thank you buddy,” he said gratefully. 

Red darted behind Blue, lasers shooting with terrifying accuracy, Keith growling protectively. Green swooped into the left, shielding Lance from fire and Shiro pulled in on the other side with Black, all of them boxing him in, keeping him safe while he did his best to calm down enough to fight. His friends were doing just as they said they would, protecting him with everything they had. 

“We need to capture Lotor,” Lance said. “This is his team and if we take him hostage they’ll cease fire until they have him safely back.”

“How the hell are we supposed to do that?” Pidge asked incredulously as they rolled Green to absorb a hit to its shielded back. 

“They want me alive,” Lance said. He was terrified but deep down he knew he was making the right choice. “I’m confident that because of that I can make it to the main ship. Lotor wants me to come to him. I’ll play into his hands and then get the drop on him.”

“Lance…” Shiro sounded uncertain. “What if you don’t get the drop on him? Playing into his hands doesn’t sound very safe. I don’t think I can support this plan.”

“I’ll come with you,” Keith said, voice strained as he fought off an entire group of ships on his own. “I promised myself I’d take that fucker down the next time I had a chance.” 

“Alright,” Shiro still seemed reluctant. “We’ll cover you guys. Go ahead and try this crazy plan of yours. Good luck.”

Lance and Keith darted forward together. He felt bad leaving the other three behind and unable to form Voltron again. He knew this was the best plan though. Once they took out Lotor the attack would stop and everyone would be safe. This was the only way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Lance faces Lotor head on with Keith by his side!


	16. Had His Reign and His Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to go down. I feel like I finally got back into my writing groove with this chapter. Last chapter was a little off, I admit. I don't know if you all notice the difference in quality from last chapter compared to this one or past ones but I definitely do. I'd like to think this chapter is better written so I hope you enjoy.

It was easier to get to the main ship than it should have been. Lance was sure he was right about Lotor expecting him. There was probably no way he could have fought his way through all of the ships so quickly otherwise, even with Keith’s help. 

When Blue and Red entered the ship and landed things were eerily calm. Lance slipped out of his lion uneasily. Keith had already disembarked from his own and was waiting for him. They gave each other worried looks and started for the nearest exit from the hangar. 

They came across a few robotic sentries which they easily took out but for the most part the halls were oddly empty. It felt extremely abnormal considering a battle was raging outside. Lance had expected at least a few live guards on the main ship. The sick feeling in his gut intensified. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to do exactly what Lotor obviously wanted him to do. This was clearly a setup. 

Keith seemed just as unnerved as Lance. “Let’s keep heading to the main control room. That seems like the most obvious place that he’d be waiting.”

Lance nodded, swallowing down his panic. “I think we’re almost there. Just around this next corner if I remember right.”

Lance hated his ship. Just being here was already bringing back memories he’d been trying so hard to forget. He hated that he knew these hallways. That he’d walked along them with a collar around his neck, trailing behind the prince like a dog on a leash. He’d walked this exact same path they were on now but with bare feet and very little clothing. 

Lotor wasn’t pleased when he had tried to rush. He had to follow several paces behind to make sure he didn’t accidentally step on the prince’s heels. The collar was hard and left bruises on his neck from all of the yanking Lotor did. Even when Lance did exactly as he wanted he still enjoyed pulling him around, showing off his power over the human boy. He had to keep his head down, had to obey if he wanted to keep from drawing too much unwanted attention.

“Lance!”

He flinched so violently that his shoulder hit the wall. His lax hands lost their grip on his gun and it clattered to the ground loudly. He blinked furiously, disoriented. He’d gotten lost in his head for a second there. The memories had been so strong they’d started to overwhelm him.

“Are you going to be ok to do this?” Keith’s voice was full of concern. 

He reached down to pick up the blue bayard and handed it back as he spoke. Lance gripped it tightly and tried to calm down. He knew what he had to do. He knew that Lotor needed taken down despite the feelings and fear that were descending upon Lance with every step.

“I’ll be ok. It’s just… hard being back here.”

Keith looked like he wanted to hold Lance. For a moment he started to move forward like he was going to but stopped himself. This wasn’t the time or place. They had a mission to complete and a battle to win.

“I can do this on my own if I need to. Nobody will blame you if you have to hang back,” Keith said quietly.

Lance quickly shook his head. “No! I need to do this. Not just for everyone else but for myself. Come on.”

Hands tight around his gun he started walking again. Keith didn’t say anything more. He followed in silence, his sword raised and ready. When they reached the door to the control room he was the one to reach out to open it. 

The two of them entered cautiously. There were several video feeds of Lotor’s commanders connected to the room but they all appeared to be muted. There was nobody in the room save for one. Lotor was standing in the center, facing the door. There was a cocky grin on his face.

“I did hope you would have come alone my pet.”

Keith snarled and started forward but Lance’s hand darted forward to grip his arm in its strong metal grasp. This was too weird. He didn’t trust this. It would be far too easy for Keith to simply rush forward and best Lotor in battle. There was something that told him it couldn’t possibly be that simple.

The druids had done a perfect job of fixing up Lotor’s face. It was as smooth and flawless as it had been before. His teeth gleamed with his sinister smile and his violet on yellow eyes watched them both like a hawk. There was possessiveness to them when they focused on Lance that made him choke back the urge to gag in terror and disgust. 

“Let me at him,” Keith growled.

“I think you’ll find it’ll be much harder to beat me this time. You had the element of surprise on your side last time but this time I’m ready. You played right into my hands. I hoped my pet would try to brave this alone but I did suspect he might drag you along too. I’ve been prepared for this scenario,” Lotor laughed scathingly. “You’re part Galra too aren’t you? Have you already bedded him? It seems he has a type.”

Lance was shaking. He hadn’t chosen Keith because of that. Just because both Lotor and Keith were both mixed Galra didn’t mean anything. In fact he’d fallen for Keith before all of this bullshit. Before he’d known he was part of an alien race or that aliens even existed. He’d had a thing for him all the way back at the garrison. That’s right. Lotor was just trying to get into his head.

While Lance was focusing on calming himself Keith was getting more and more worked up. He tugged uselessly at his arm, trying to free it from his boyfriend’s hold. His expression was thunderous. 

“Lance. Let me go,” he demanded.

The blue paladin hesitated. They were here to capture Lotor. He couldn’t exactly continue to stand in the doorway holding Keith back from the fight. He wavered before loosening his grip enough for Keith to pull free.

He immediately ran for Lotor. About ten paces away he froze. His body contorted in pain and electricity zapped through him leaving a foul burning smell. Keith slumped to the ground, dropping his sword as he went. Lance wanted to help him but he was frozen by fear, staring at the prince who was watching with amusement.

“There’s an electrical field in this room. I can turn it off with a click up a button but I’ll only do that for my pet. I’m afraid I won’t be allowing you anywhere near me red paladin. The only one touching me today will be my pet.” He looked down at Keith with distain.

Lance forced his feet to move. His mind screamed against him getting closer to Lotor but he couldn’t leave Keith crumpled there in pain. He cautiously approached as Keith started to stir. He began to push himself up as Lance reached down to help pull him to his feet.

“Look at you two lovebirds,” Lotor’s voice had gone dangerously acidic. “Did he tell you how I fucked him? He begged for it. Couldn’t get enough. I had him every night writhing beneath me like a filthy slut. I had him screaming my name in pleasure.”

Lance’s stomach lurched and he quickly turned to the side to vomit. Keith’s eyes went absolutely crazed. He slammed his body back into the electrical field with all of his might. He shook from the electricity but continued to hold himself up by sheer force of will, pushing forward as hard as he could again and again even as smoke drifted around him and his limbs shook from pain. 

Lotor’s eyes widened in shock as Keith shoved himself completely threw the field with an animalistic roar. He gripped the front of Lotor’s armor and slammed him back into the electricity. The prince let out a yell of pain and pushed Keith back as hard as he could, sending him sprawling. He slammed his hand into the button to remove the electrical field so that it couldn’t be used against him again and advanced on the red paladin who unsteadily got back into a standing position.

Lance watched in horror. It felt like he was in some kind of dream. Everything had taken on a hazy edge. His tongue felt swollen in his mouth and his limbs were heavy. He wanted to help Keith but something indescribably awful kept his feet planted to the ground, gun hanging uselessly in his hands.

Keith ran around Lotor to snatch up his sword and turned back around with a swing straight to the head. The prince was quick to bring out his own weapon just in time to block. His eyes narrowed in anger. He started his own offense, sword hitting Keith’s over and over, driving him back. The blade nicked Keith’s side but he didn’t even falter as driven by absolute rage as he was. 

Lance had never felt more helpless. He swallowed hard and tried to ground himself. Keith needed his help. He wouldn’t let Lotor hurt him. Lotor had already taken so much from him, he wouldn’t let him hurt his boyfriend. He raised his gun. His hands were shaking so badly it was hard to aim.

“You don’t want to hurt me pet,” Lotor called out, eyes flickering to him before darting back to his opponent. “Be a good boy and put the gun down. You know what will happen if you disobey me.”

The words struck fear into his heart and he faltered, gun starting to lower. Lotor grinned even as he fought for his life. He seemed about equally matched with Keith. Neither of them seemed to be making much leeway against the other. It was going to be a battle of stamina. 

No. Lotor couldn’t do anything anymore. He held no power over Lance. Especially not if he was captured. That’s why he was here. To capture Lotor, to put an end to all of this hell. He lifted the gun again. Lotor’s eyes narrowed. 

“Sit! Now!”

The response was so immediate it shocked even him. He dropped to his knees without a second thought, body acting on pure instinct. His head bowed, eyes trained on the ground. It was like he was a puppet and Lotor had just tugged on his strings. He felt so helpless. 

“Lance!” Keith’s voice cut through the haze that had descended on his mind. “Lance you can fight him. He doesn’t control you anymore. He can’t hurt you. Please get up. Fight. You can do this.”

Lance’s hands clenched into fists. Determination washed through him, pushing at the terror and the need to obey. He reached for the gun he’d dropped yet again. When he looked up he met Keith’s eyes and felt a surge of love. That’s right. He had something to fight for here. Without bothering to stand he aimed his gun, robotic eye focusing on Lotor with perfect accuracy. He pulled the trigger.

The blast hit Lotor straight in the chest. It knocked him flat on his back and Keith’s sword was immediately at his throat. Lotor glared up at the victor with hatred. 

“You may have beaten me for this moment but it doesn’t take back the fact that I still hold some sway over your precious lover. I’ll always hold some power over him. You can’t remove that. You can’t erase the fact that I had him as mine. I’ve branded him with my name forever. He’ll always think of me when he’s naked. Whenever the two of you fuck I’ll be there with you. You can’t escape the truth, that I fucked him and scarred him and ruined him over and over and…”

Keith’s sword went straight through Lotor’s throat. His voice cut out as he gurgled on a mouthful of blood. Keith pulled his sword back. Red stained the tip. A thick pool of crimson was quickly forming. Lance stared in absolute shock. 

Keith let his sword fall from his hands as he turned around slowly and made his way back over to his boyfriend. He dropped to his knees so that they were eye level and threw his arms around him. Lance was tense and stiff in his hold for a moment, overwhelmed by everything that had just happened. 

Lotor was dead. He was actually dead. Lance couldn’t help but thinking he should be horrified but what Keith had just done but he wasn’t. All he could feel was overwhelming relief.

He brought his arms up to hug Keith back. His hands grasped the back of his armor tightly and he let out a giant sob. He started to cry in earnest. He couldn’t help it, he was just so blindsided by the sudden relief that the tears wouldn’t stop. He was safe. Lotor would never touch him again. Lotor was dead. He was never coming back.

Lance wasn’t sure how long they knelt on the floor, embracing as he cried. It must have been several minutes at least. When he finally got a hold of himself he pulled back a little and wiped at his face.

“Come on. Look at the video feeds connected to this room. The fleet has to know Lotor is dead by now and should be retreating. Let’s get out of here. It’s over,” Lance said quietly.

Keith nodded wordlessly. He helped Lance to his feet and snatched up his bayard. The two of them left the room where Lotor lay sprawled in a puddle of blood, never to move again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated for a long time about whether I wanted Lotor to die. In the end I chose to let the characters decide for me so I just started writing and this is what happened. Let me know what you think about the outcome.


	17. Light At the Beginning of the Tunnel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys. This is the last official chapter of this fic. I might be writing an epilogue (if I do it'll be changed to 18 chapters rather than 17) but it depends. More on that in the end notes. For now enjoy this last chapter wrapping things up.

The flight back to the castle ship was quiet and uneventful. The fleet had drawn back with the loss of their leader. As soon as Red and Blue came into view the rest of team Voltron started to retreat as well. The battle was over. It had been over the moment Keith ended it with his bloodied sword.

When Lance climbed out of his lion the others were quick to make sure he was ok. Hunk began to check him for any wounds. Pidge was peppering him with questions. Allura tried to help him calm them down and give him space, her voice kind but forceful. Lance was extremely grateful for her assistance. Sometimes the others forgot how overwhelmed he could get when they crowded him like that.

He was appreciative of their concern but he waved them off, assuring them he was fine repeatedly. He _was_ fine, though still a bit shell-shocked over what had happened back in Lotor’s control room. The scene kept repeating in his head as if assuring him that Lotor really was gone and everything was going to be ok. 

When Keith disembarked from Red alone the questions started. There was an awkward moment where they waited for him to explain but when no explanation was forthcoming Shiro was the first to approach him, brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Where’s Lotor? When the fleet started backing off we were sure you’d captured him,” Shiro said.

“He’s dead.” Keith’s voice was steady. 

Shiro was shocked. “Why? What happened?”

“You should’ve heard the filth coming out of his mouth.” The calm had left and Keith was starting sound distinctly pissed off. “He was an evil piece of shit. We’re better off with him gone. The universe is better off with him gone. I did what needed to be done.”

Shiro looked sad. “I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“I’m not.” The red paladin certainly didn’t sound like he was even the slightest bit sorry. “I didn’t even really have to do it. I wanted to. It’s what needed to be done.”

Their leader gave him a hard long look before sighing. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow Keith. It’s something that needs to be talked about but we just got done with a battle and we’re all tired. It’s not the best time to have this discussion. For now let’s eat and get some rest. We all need it.”

Everyone mumbled an agreement. They shuffled to change out of their gear first. Lance threw on his pajamas in a daze. If they were going to fall asleep right after eating he didn’t see the point of getting fully dressed just for a meal. When they met back up at the table to eat he saw that the others had the same idea.

Hunk wasn’t feeling much up to cooking so all of them had food goo for dinner. There wasn’t much conversation. It had been a long several months that had led to this day. It was like they were all suddenly quite aware of that. The exhaustion was seeping in and even Pidge, who preferred staying up late working on their projects, seemed eager for sleep. They kept nodding off at the table, narrowly missing their bowl and a face full of goo at one point. 

Once they were done eating they all separated to go fall into their beds and get some rest. Keith followed Lance to his room. Once they were inside he pulled the covers back, laid down on the bed first and scooted close to the wall. When he looked up he held out his arms in invitation. Lance was quick to curl up on the bed and let himself be held.

“Are you ok?” Keith asked quietly. “You haven’t really spoken since I killed Lotor.”

“I’m ok,” Lance murmured. “I’m mostly just relieved. I feel like I should be upset that you killed someone but I’m not. If anything I think that I’m happy about it. I’m just glad that he’s finally gone. It’s like this heavy weight I was carrying everywhere has been lifted from my shoulders. So much of my anxiety was centered around him finding us and possibly capturing me again or hurting someone else. Now that he’s out of the picture I know that’s not going to happen and it’s honestly such a huge relief.”

“Good,” Keith said. “I told you I’d keep you safe. I’d do anything to make sure you were, and continue to be, protected. And now he’ll never hurt you or anyone else ever again. You don’t have to make yourself sick worrying about him coming for you anymore.”

Lance snuggled back further into his boyfriend’s arms. Keith held him tighter in response. Lance did feel safe. He hadn’t felt so safe in a long time. Lotor was gone. Keith was here, holding him. Everything was going to be fine.

Of course it wasn’t going to be perfect. He was sure his anxiety and depression and PTSD weren’t going to magically disappear. Lotor being dead didn’t erase what he’d done or what the druids had done. The scars on Lance’s mind were still there. They’d probably always be there, just like the physical scars. But Lance was determined that he was going to be able to live with both, to cope and survive. He could get through this. He had Keith to help him along as well as the rest of the team. He wasn’t alone in his struggle. 

“I love you,” Lance whispered.

Keith kissed the top of his head. “I love you too.”

A swell of pure affection coursed through Lance’s body. He had never cared for someone so strongly in this way before, especially not with this intensity. Keith would die for him. Had killed for him. Would probably literally do anything to make him feel safe. He defended Lance with an intensity that was almost scary.

Lance’s awareness of Keith had been there for so long. First at the Garrison and then again here in space. It had started out as a weird rivalry sort of crush. Like, damn that guy is hot and perfect at everything and I have to fucking beat him! Then they’d become friends of a sort. Teammates who fought and bled and worked together. Who bonded and trained and formed Voltron together. And now it had developed into something so much more, so much deeper. Something that made his heart pound and his chest warm and brought a smile to his face despite all of the pain he was constantly going through.

Keith hadn’t seen all of his scars. Hadn’t seen the nasty words carved into his torso or the mess of skin that was his back where he’d been whipped and cut so many times that the skin was warped and ugly. He hadn’t seen the place where Lotor’s name was branded into his left hip or the word ‘PET’ engraved into his stomach. He didn’t know that Lotor made him wear a collar and paraded him around, barely dressed, in front of the other Galra. Didn’t know that he had these hands because his fingers had been crushed one by one.

Lance had always feared him seeing and knowing those things. But he realized for the first time that someday he would be ok with it. Someday he would have the confidence to show his body to Keith without fearing rejection. Even now as much as he knew Keith loved him he was scared to let him see how fucked up and ugly he was under his clothes. But at least he knew that it wouldn’t always be that way. If Keith could love him after finding out from Lotor’s own mouth several of the things he’d done to Lance then it was highly likely he could still love him after knowing it all. And someday Lance was going to tell him. It would take time and probably happen over several months or even years but it would happen. Lance was determined that it would. He wanted to share his whole self with Keith.

There was hope now. Hope for a better future. For a future with Keith. A future where Keith continued to love him even as Lance opened up and shared the things that had happened over his months imprisonment, even as he shared the awful thoughts he had now. He had hope for a future where the two of them were open and happy and in love, because they were already on their way there. 

Tomorrow there would be things to discuss. They’d go over the battle. Shiro would have a serious talk with Keith about what he’d done to Lotor. Pidge and Hunk would cuddle Lance as they watched a movie with Allura and Coran. Things would move on.

Eventually Zarkon would awake and the fighting would start again. Distress calls would be answered. Battles would be won. Lance would find the strength to do what he needed to do despite his struggles. Life as defenders of the universe would continue as it had before. And someday in the distant future they’d all go home and Lance would see his family again.

But for now he let the exhaustion of the day wash over him. He fell asleep feeling warm and content in Keith’s arms. Most importantly he fell asleep feeling loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was pretty short and not much happened but I felt like I needed this last chapter to wrap things up. It felt too abrupt to end on chapter 16. I've been thinking of writing an epilogue where it's just a snippet of Keith in Lance in the future when they've gotten a lot more comfortable with each other. It was going to be mostly smut with a bit of fluff. But I'm not totally sure if it'll fit or feel out of place? So please let me know what you guys would think of that kind of epilogue or if it might just be best to leave the story here. 
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you for your comments and kudos. I had lost a lot of confidence in my writing and seeing the response to this fic helped with getting some of that back. I seriously appreciate all of the people who've read this story whether you commented or not. You all kept me going and resulted in the first completed fanfiction I've written in at least six years!


	18. Regrets

So I probably could have just left this story as is and never bothered thinking about it again. But I feel a lot of regret with this story. A part of me is really proud. This is only the second chaptered fanfiction that I've ever finished in the many years I've been writing fanfiction. That's a big accomplishment for me!

Most of you probably noticed a drop in the story quality though. I started writing this during a really dark time in my life. I won't go into too much detail because I'm sure you don't care to hear it but I was in a very bad place. This story starts out pretty fucked up because, in a way, it was what I was using to cope. I was able to write the despair and the hopelessness with so much feeling because that's what I was feeling. But when it got to the recovery... I was still in a bad place and writing about healing and moving on was too much of a struggle for me. The more I wrote the more disappointed I was with the writing quality. The only reason I kept going was because of the kind comments that people left for me. You all are amazing! Because of that I tried to do my best with what I could. I am well aware the ending was quite abrupt and thrown together. I guess I got to a point where I just couldn't struggle with writing this anymore and gave up. I still wanted to complete it though which is where the sloppy ending chapter came into play.

You all probably don't care about any of this but it was bugging me enough that I felt the need to write it out anyways. If you got this far and finished reading this story all the way through then thank you!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Despite my despair over my writing quality the fact that people were still reading and still enjoying it even though I was struggling so much and disappointed with how it was all coming out gave me a lot more confidence in my writing. And though I regret the ending and the drop in quality I don't regret writing this story. As I said, it was a good coping mechanism and the kind comments helped bring a smile to my face even though I was having such a hard time. 

My thanks goes out to you all and to everyone who is struggling with something in their life I wish you the best.


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